The Demystification of Woman

The hit single by the British ex-soldier James Blunt, You’re Beautiful lends some support to this write up. You may wonder what the lyrics of this popular (and sometimes annoying) song have to do with a strangely titled article. Hold your horses as this will become clear in a few lines.

I believe we are all familiar with the cycle of all unsuccessful relationships: boy meets girl; boy dates girl; boy and girl embark on a serious relationship; boy gets tired and relationship wanes; boy and girl break up.

But what exactly happens to cause the break up? You may have your own theories with regards to the peculiarities of individual cases but it’s quite simple: the woman was or became demystified.

Truth is, a man is drawn to a woman by the strangest things; it could be the way she laughs, the way she wears her hair, her voice or the way she chews gum. It could be the way she sings off key or pitch in church or the way she sashays across the office floor. Or one of my favourites: her perfectly manicured hands or pedicures. This way the man is drawn to her, he thinks to himself, why does she chew gum that way? Why does she sing to herself as she walks about the place? How come she laughs that way? Why does she look happy (or sad) all the time? How come she’s that smart? Or that happy?

To the man, these are mysteries that need to be solved, riddles that need answers. So what does he do? He embarks on a journey of discovery, a trip to find answers to the mystery that is woman. So he goes through the usual motions of sneaking peeks and offering smiles, which soon graduate to pseudo stalking. Before long he is enthralled by her very presence, her mystique. The level and length of the mystique is dependent on the number of direct or indirect interactions and encounters they have. The man now makes his move and makes his attraction to the woman in question known.

Now this is the most crucial point of the relationship. The woman now has to make up her mind as to what degree she will reveal herself to her admirer. Women are different and while two women might be attracted a guy in the same way, they may react differently. One woman may decide that she likes the guy so much and gives him a considerable amount of ‘green light’. Of course guys are not dull so he moves in for the kill. The other woman may decide not to encourage the guy at all leaving him quite dissatisfied. Now, there are some women, who are pros at this sort of thing, they send a green and red light combination which leaves the guy very confused. But does this deter the man hunter? No, it is his duty to crack the case; to solve the mystery, so he hangs in there and tries every trick in the book.

So she gives him her number and those long conversations on the telephone start, the midnight calls, and the beautiful text messages. When he sees her name on the caller id of his phone, his heart skips a beat, he smiles at the sound of her voice. He dreams of her and doing things to her. He is encouraged as she seems to be gelling. They begin to spend more time together and except both of them are two dummies, they begin to share memories, experiences, their hopes, aspirations and dreams; where the girl does most of the talking and the guy most of the listening. You must have observed how girls like good listeners?! At this point the mystery begins to unravel; the reason for the laugh becomes known, the apparent cheerfulness explains itself, etc. Slowly but surely the woman becomes demystified and loses her air of mystery. For most guys when this happens they begin to loose interest. And ironically enough, the once sweet and attractive qualities become annoying. The once sweet smile may now appear plastic and the way she chews gum could start a fight! The guy now prefers to spend his time away from his demystified partner. Now situations may vary as men are rather different. For instance, some guys might lose interest after the first three dates; some after sleeping with the girl a couple of times and for some it may take three, ten or twenty years but what is certain is that the demystification eventually occurs and off he goes in search of the next mystery.

Now you may argue, what about the long lasting relationships and marriages? Remember that not all women are the same; some have the capacity for long term pretence or play acting; these are the ones who realise how vital it is for a woman to maintain her mystique at all times revealing only a little about herself as time passes. She keeps the man guessing and he like a dog to a bone keeps going after her expressing his interest and desire.

There are exceptions to the rule, where the man may lose interest if he senses that the woman is being too difficult or if he thinks he has a better chance at solving another ‘mystery’ someplace else. This is where a woman must learn to find a balance in order to keep her man. There is also the case of marriages which have lasted up to twenty years and more. The reasons are simple: the man is either so much in love that he turns a blind eye and ignores the fact his wife has been demystified or the woman has managed to reveal only a little at a time over the years or perhaps she keeps reinventing herself!

At this point I would like to draw the connection to James Blunt’s song mentioned above. The lyrics in the second verse go: yes she caught my eye / as I walked on by/ she could tell from my face / that I was freaking high/ and I don’t think that I’ll see her again / but we shared a moment that will last till the end. And then the chorus: you’re beautiful/ you’re beautiful/ you’re beautiful its true / I saw your face in a crowded place/ and I don’t know what to do/ 'cos I’ll never be with you.

The entire song alludes to the fact that he had just glimpsed a girl with whom he had a connection with and wishes he could be with her while also acknowledging the fact that they will never be together. Now he finds her beautiful, a girl whom he has just seen even to the point of calling her an angel. How come? It is obvious now isn’t it? He is seeing her at just face value, he has not gotten to know her yet, her imperfections, her peccadilloes, her fears, her needs etc. those things that will reveal herself to him, the things that will eventually drive him from her.

For me the best period of a relationship are those first few weeks of scoping the girl where you sneak looks and try to catch her eye; when you look forward to going to church or class knowing she will be at her usual seat. This stretches into when you two start to talk and call each other up, the first few dates up until the first kiss.

Now I know a few guys who will settle for a cordial relationship with a very beautiful and smart girl, without trying to take it to the next level. I mean the type of women that men go to war for. Why would they choose to settle for being just friends? Because they would hate to see her any less or any differently. Sometimes that old and familiar excuse, “I wouldn’t want us to spoil our friendship,” actually does hold some water.


“That thing which attracts us to a woman, rarely keeps us with her”.
- John Baker

Truth is, everything eventually becomes demystified.