This time every year I try to do a ranking of all the films
that came out during the year that I have seen. Each time I do this I try to
clearly state the criteria that guides my ranking so as not to confuse,
befuddle and surprise the casual reader or movie-watcher, critic or buff as to
my choice of one film over the other in an ordered listing.
This year, in addition to Entertainment Value and Plot I
have added whether the film Met My Expectations or Not as a criterion for
ranking. I mean given the hype and expectations with which we welcomed the 2016
movie year there were quite a few duds that really left me hollow.
Indeed, 2016 was a below average year for movies; the army
of sequels, superhero flicks and video-game adaptations. So I found “new”
stories rather refreshing and will admit a bias towards them. Unfortunately, I
did not see so many dramas as my year was extremely busy which is why I am
honestly quite surprised I saw 50 2016 titles.
So enough jibber jabber and on to the list!
So again, the criteria for the list is:
- Entertainment Value
- Plot
- Expectations Met
49. Underworld: Blood
Wars
The first sequel on this list and apparently, Kate Beckinsale
is the new Milla Jovovich. I fell asleep twice watching this.
48. The Jungle Book
Never liked the cartoon and the live-action adaptation did
little to change that. Fell asleep once (or twice).
47. The Boss
Melissa McCarthy surprised us all with Spy last year. This
is no Spy, this is a pointless movie.
46. Batman: The Killing
Joke
Started out well and was quite amped for this but this is by
far the worst DC animated feature ever. Hated the Barbara Gordon-Bruce Wayne
love arc and the end was quite meh. I guess the writers were going for some
sort of psychology themed story where we see that the Joker is ying to Batman’s
yang. (No, we did not all read the comic and we don’t care, we just want to be
entertained.)
45. Ratchet and Clank
Video-game cartoon adaptation. As far as animated features
go this was kinda flat with zero soul.
44. Cell
This Walking-Dead-meets-Technology mash-up could have been a
much better movie. Even Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusack couldn’t save this
Stephen King adaptation.
43. Mechanic:
Resurrection
Another sequel and probably Jason Statham’s worst film. My
ex-crush Jessica Alba was as active as a mannequin throughout and the whole
thing was border line B-Movie. And oh yeah, Tommy Lee Jones and Michelle Yeoh
were in it. Shock! Horror!
42. The 5th Wave
I first thought, “Not another alien invasion dystopian
future muck” but the more I saw the preview, the more I suspected this would be
an intelligent film. I was wrong. My darling Chloe Grace Moretz wasn’t kick ass
enough.
41. How to Be Single
One of the few dramas I saw this year. Great premise, good
plot but somehow somehow it petered out flat.
40. Meet the Blacks
Hahaha! Zero expectations, plenty laughs in this B-Movie!
Sometimes you just want some silly entertainment and this lampoon worked.
39. Bastille Day
Luc Beeson ohhh! I really tried to like this film but I
guess Idris Elba’s acting was not quite it for me. Waste of time.
38. Skiptrace
Jackie Chan and Johnny Knoxville…. go figure. They tried to
do another Rush Hour and Shanghai Knights buddie flick but although it has quite
some heart it did not quite take.
37. Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles: Out of the Shadows
I prefer the first one to be honest but it was nice seeing
Beebop and Rocksteady “properly” portrayed on the big screen. My kids loved it,
so there.
36. Assassin’s Creed
Full disclosure: I only just played the game (Part 3) about
two months ago (Trash game but my son likes it). However as a firm believer in “do
not judge a movie by its book, comic, cartoon or video game I Stan’d for this
film and looked forward to it when I heard Michael Fassbender was going to be
in it. People, the movie is pointless. Will not be watching any sequels.
35. Zootopia
You people can hype something sha. This Who Framed Roger
Rabbit wannabe was all hype jor. Well, at least the kids loved it – especially the
train scene. J
34. X-Men: Apocalypse
Rubbish! Crap! I was sooo annoyed! 20th Century
Fox should just give hand over the rights to Disney! This was appalling. It was
like I was watching Days of Future Past -2.0. The Four Horsemen were weak!
Apocalypse was so weak I wanted to die! The plot was all over the place.
Nothing felt convincing. I swear the only reason why this film is this high up
is my love for everything X-men.
33. Batman Versus
Superman: Dawn of Justice
The only reason why this film is not at the bottom of this
list is my undying love for Batman. For more please watch Hitler Reacts to Dawn
of Justice here as it fully captures my thoughts about the movie. And yes, can
that lady not return as Lois Lane? Thank you.
32. The Angry Birds Movie
An animated feature adaptation of the monster game. I think
it was quite creative the way they told the story of the different kinds of
birds and their relationship with the pigs. It’s ok to be angry sometimes.
“I like the beginning and the middle a little. I also like
the part when Red said ‘ Wow. My teacher can shoot fireballs.” – my son, Tega
31. Ghostbusters
I was curious, very curious. There was no need for this AT
ALL! Crappy humour, overacting made us yearn for the original. Another Melissa
McCarthy and Paul Fieg subpar stuff. But we just loved the cameos by the
original cast, didn’t we? J
30. Fifty Shades of Black
I won’t lie, I loved the preview. I mean it makes more sense
to like the parody of a bad film based on an even worse book, eh? Marlon Wayans
delivers once again in yet another lampoon of a people’s favourite. I see a lot
of promise in Kali Hawk’s career; she’s a good actor and is banging too!
29. Suicide Squad
Suicide Squad was a marketing success. Warner Bros.
successfully fooled a whole bunch of us into watching this film coming at the
heels of the sham that was BvS. Viola Davis was the only redeeming factor in
this vehicle. The jokes seemed forced and although I would admit that Margot
Robbie put in quite a performance, Harley Quinn isn’t quite my thing.
28. Midnight Special
One of those movies I stumbled upon so no expectations. A supernatural
sci-fi drama about a boy with unique abilities hunted by special agents, it
offered a bit of fresh air albeit reminiscent of old classics like Firestarter.
Michael Shannon was at his usual dramatic best with Joel Edgerton supporting
quite ably.
27. Doctor Strange
It was with some reluctance that I watched this due to the
#Whitewashing controversy. Great effects! Dazzling colours! And what you would
expect from Benedict Cumberbatch. Madds Mikkelsen was well, mad in it.
26. Pele: Birth of a
Legend
I liked this film. As far as movies about football go, it is
always a hard thing to do not to talk of a biopic. But I love the attempt to
portray the god that Pele is, another difficult thing about the film. Starring
Kevin de Paula and Vincent D’Onofrio. It has heart and spirit but albeit falls short
of what a great sports movie should be.
25. The Purge: Election
Year
Better than the last one. It made sense and against the
backdrop of the coming US elections was great timing. The killer teenage girls shook
me.
24. The Magnificent Seven
Yet another remake. Antoine Fuqua’s attempt does absolutely no
damage to the 1960 original. With some good acting by Mr. Denzel Washington, Ethan
Hawke, Chris Pratt, Lee Byung-hun and Vincent D’Onofrio, together with the
vistas of the old west provide a throwback of some sort to the western classics
of bygone years.
23. Barbershop: The Next
Cut
The feel-good film of the year! Love the positive vibes and
messages this put out. It was good seeing Deon Cole of Blackish (I love his
voice) on the big screen.
22. Central Intelligence
Not in the league of other Kevin Hart flicks but this was
not bad at all. Funny as….
21. 10 Cloverfield Lane
A prequel (?) I must confess I did not pay as much attention
to this film as I should have. It started a little slow and built up slowly
which made for loss of concentration sometimes. However, John Goodman was well…good
and the end was worth the previous sluggishness.
20. The CEO
Great attempt at yet another whodunit by the master of
Nigerian mystery-suspense, Kunle Afolayan. The cinematography was top notch as
usual and although the reveal was rather watery and I respect the daring of
this film. Totally enjoyable.
19. The Brothers Grimsby
What else would you expect from a Sacha Baron-Cohen film?
Irreverent and potty humour, that’s what, and I am not ashamed to say I loved
this film which feature Andy Garcia lookalike Mark Strong.
18. Kung Fu Panda 3
Po and friends were grittier and tougher in this one.
17. Eddie the Eagle
Taron Egerton is a good actor! I saw the poster and I thought
“nah!” Somehow I got a copy to watch and I enjoyed every minute. This is such
an inspiring story of self-belief and what the Olympics is really about –
participation, as never more evident than in this year’s edition.
16. When the Bough Breaks
I laughed and laughed from start to finish. A dramatic
thriller, this film made my day, no, in fact my week! Silly stuff!
15. London Has Fallen
Full disclosure: I am
a Gerard Butler fan. Dude is not a bad actor you know. Yeah, London was not as
good as its Olympus but I loved the idea of it. It was fantastic watching all
the leaders of the free world get popped like that, just almost as riveting as
the White House being attacked in Olympus. In the end it was good fun that set
the pace for many of the year’s action flicks to follow and surpass.
14. Keanu
Buddie flicks had been quite tricky to come by for a couple
of years and then comes Keanu, no expectation and boom! it slide-tackles you.
The misadventures of two square African American friends (Jordan Peele and
Keegan-Michael Key) revolving around a cat named Keanu should be one for the
ages.
13. The Nice Guys
Another “buddie flick”, yaay! Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe
star as a pair of two very different private detectives who team up to try to
solve the murder and disappearance of two women in 1970s Los Angeles. I think
this successfully paid homage to the buddie flicks of yesteryears.
12. Kubo and the Two
Strings
Cool stuff! Thank God for film nerds on the internet for
this one sort of flew under the radar. This is the best animated feature this
year. Great story line, somewhat weak in the middle but essentially puts the
last few adventure cartoons and films of the last few years to shame.
11. Money Monster
Directed by Jodie Foster, this one moved me. I think it was
very efficiently done with Jack O’Connell and George Clooney giving good performances.
I have seen films like this before but I guess this was more relatable given
the recession that we have found ourselves in.
10. The Legend of Tarzan
For some reason, I really like this movie. Maybe it was the
opening scene or the Tarzan vs. erstwhile Big Brother Silverback Gorilla fight
but it really packed some heavy hitters – Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz, Alexander
Skarsgard, Djimon Hounsou and Margot Robbie as Jane. It took one to a world of
make believe and adventure, exactly what a good movie should do.
9. War Dogs
I still can’t get over Jonah Hill’s Efraim’s character
laugh! What is that?! Loool. Another movie I was blind-sided by but was fun to
watch. Great acting all around especially Mr. Hill’s but couldn’t get a certain
“Lord of War” film out of my mind while watching this.
PS: Why is it that people in Miami, let’s just say Florida
are nearly always involved in the most outlandish schemes ever? Is it the sun?
8. The Birth of a Nation
I had looked forward to this film since January and I was
not disappointed. It took several years to make and I would just like to say
kudos for the balls and bravery required to make it. Movies are about storytelling
and this film did just that. From beginning to end I was enthralled and moved
along with the story that needed to be told on the big screen. Birth of a
Nation is hesitant, unsure but still riveting.
7. Now You See Me 2
Hated hated the first part! So I had zero expectations and
boy was I surprised! This was more fun, more realistic and more magical. This can
finally be part of a long list of good heist films.
6. Jason Bourne
Sequels galore innit? So I kinda like the Bourne series and
Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass were both back in the drivers’ seat to remind us
how it is done! Featuring fantastic and mad characters (Vincent Cassel? I have
no words), this was a joy ride.
5. My Big Fat Greek
Wedding 2
The daresay the best comedy this year. It came 14 years
after the first part and although not quite the runaway smash hit that its predecessor
was it still made me laugh and left a warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach.
4. The Accountant
I almost appluaed at the end of this movie and I took back
some of the bad things I had ever said about Ben Affleck’s acting. The preview
did not prepare me for the roller-coaster ride that it is. Brilliant,
intelligent and good acting all around, it reminds me of a time gone by in
moviedom.
3. Eye in the Sky
And why this film is not No. 1 I do not know; maybe I am
biased, maybe it is the fan-boy in me….yes, that is the reason. More movies
like this should be made. It was refreshing with a capital “R”. I firmly believe
without a doubt that director Gavin Hood evoked from me at the exact scene, every
emotion he wanted to extract from his audience. Whaaat?!!! Excellent performances
by Dame Helen Mirren, Aaron Paul, Barkhad Abdi and the late Alan Rickman.
2. Deadpool
I mean Deadpool was the movie to beat this year and $783m
and 10 months later very few movies did. It was a dream come true of a movie
and its distinct success has probably put paid to what is known as the summer
blockbuster season! Irreverent, anti-heroic, potty & sexual humour-filled,
slow-mo, flow-mo packed hit featuring Ryan Reynolds and Tim Miller in his main
directorial debut sees Wade the Mouth put his money where his mouth is and we loved
it!
Makes you forgive 20th Century Fox for messing up
that other X-Men film.
1. Captain America:
Civil War
Yes, I am a fan boy. Fully #TeamCap.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the highest grossing
movie of 2016 at $1.1bn worldwide! And my No. 1 film for 2016! First, I love what Disney or whomever did with the marketing!
The digital marketing was insane! We were all made to pick sides, #TeamCap or
#TeamIronMan. The various teasers tickled us, arousing our interests as we coud
barely wait. The preview with the Spider-Man reveal left us in throes as D-Day finally
arrived. And guess what? We were not disappointed! Great storytelling,
excellent management of screen time for all the characters we love, great
action sequences and effects, numerous talking points – Spider-man’s intro,
Ant-Man becoming Giant-Man (I got pissed because the whole Spidey and Black
Panther love overshadowed this), Black Panther the new beau (bye-bye Thor!),
Bucky and Cap’s double-team on Iron Man etc. Kudos to the Russo Brothers! And I do hope Joss Whedon is
taking pointers from them!
So that’s it! I am pretty sure Rogue One, Don’t Breathe and
The Wedding Party would have featured in the Top 10 but alas I did not have the time to fit
them in before the end of the year. Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all. L
So what do you think? Yay? Nay? Leave a comment below, like
and share!
