I Am Tired Jor!

Right now I am so depressed, so sad, so angry but most of all I am weak, so weak I just want to lie down and hibernate. With each passing day I find that every single thing I was taught as a child by my parents, my priests, my teachers, my elders has been for naught. Not lies but truths that have no place in this entity called Nigeria. A nation where corruption and evil go unpunished; even worse they go rewarded.

Since the days of Tafa Balogun, it has become a proven scam: steal a few billions from state coffers, (not millions, for a few millions are not enough to keep you out of jail) when caught, plead guilty and save the state (i.e. the police/EFCC, and judiciary) the cost of an expensive and lengthy trial while making them look good at their jobs. Give assurances of full cooperation and willingly return say 20 per cent of the loot in cash and another 20 per cent in property, then spread say 10 per cent among those who might ask for a cut and you get a nine months to 2 years sentence at a not-so-bad prison where you would reign as the “president” and are sure to be out after seven months; OR if you are lucky you get the option of fine with no time served. After that long sentence and all is said and done you could easily walk away with 10 billion neat. I swear someone should sign me up for this scam for that is what it is!

“Come Danladi, you know that NIPOST pension money?”

“You mean the N500bn?”

“Yes, you as the chief finance officer have access to it, is this not so?”

“Yes and so?”

“Ok this is what we are going to do; you will use your office to steal...

....then when you are released you pocket a cool N25bn while you give us N25bn...don’t mind Nigerians, they have short memories, they will soon invite you to be the state chairman of the party, give you a chieftaincy title and the pastors will make you a deacon sef....”

“Ok, I am in!”

It really is that simple! Corruption thrives simply because we reward it. Instead of punishing the looters we slap them on the wrists and embrace them when they are released. Who says (big) crime does not pay? I say “we” because “we” are the ones who write the laws or have refused or simply do not understand that “we” are not excluded from lawmaking. This is why I have trouble with democracy and Africans, for we do not fully comprehend what democracy is all about! It is about using our numbers to push for, lobby and demand certain “goods” rights as citizens of a nation! If we all understood the concept of democracy which strives to achieve that “common good” for all, we would not stand for these evils pervading our land. Or perhaps it is a twisted version of democracy that has made us the way we are – a bunch of silent aiders and abetters.

I suspect the real reason why we have not as a mass body fought corruption to a standstill is that deep deep down inside, we are all waiting for our turn at the dinner table of power where we will have a go at the national cake! We swallow and turn a blind eye to grave injustices and romanticising of theft and robbery, not saying a word, giving excuses and blindly attacking the few that have the courage to speak up all because we anticipate the day when it is our turn to “chop”; and when that day comes may God punish the devil that tries to truncate our time at the table!!!

What am I saying? The young Nigerian has watched how corruption has made a number of Nigerians wealthy beyond their wildest dreams in a seemingly “turn by turn” system. In the 80s and 90s it was the Northerners and Westerners, now in this new administration it is the turn of the South-South so by simple reasoning and hope and if “zoning” works out in the next elections it will be the turn of my father’s brother’s in-law’s wife’s second cousin who is an ACN big-wig!! Ope o! Again, may Amadioha silence the mouths of those who rise up to condemn him and us!!

The most interesting journey I ever  undertook in this country was about five years ago in a 12-seater bus from Lagos to Benin with Nigerians from across different ages, gender and tribes. We had quite a few interesting discussions during the journey as a road trip that used to take three hours flat, now took almost five. The one that stood out for me was the one on corruption. Oh it was a volatile one! Passengers were seething with righteous anger and all calling for the Jerry Rawlings treatment for those who deserved it!! But one lady said something which cooled the flames. She said that we should be careful for what we ask for, that if indeed this Rawlings treatment is meted out who would survive? Some beat their chests and said that they were clean. To this she retorted, “You can vouch for yourself, but can you vouch for that your uncle who is in NPA? Or your in-law that is a state CP? Or that elder in your church who donated N10million towards the new church building?! Or that your old classmate who gave you that juicy contract that you lobbied for? Behold if the Rawlings treatment starts, it may come to your doorstep!!” She went further, “Okay, if you were the head of recruitment at a company or a government agency and you were down to two gifted candidates who were vying for a single opening, would you give it to the better of the two or the one that was related to your spouse’s uncle or from your village?” At this quite a few people fell silent. Only one lady was able to say that she would give it to the better candidate. To this someone laughed and said “Then your husband’s people will carry your name to church for prayers!”  

These are the reasons why we remain bedroom and siddon-look activists. If you want to fight evil, you give no quarter, and you fight without fear!! For should you hesitate, it will consume you leaving you worse of than you were before.

Like one of my former facilitators would say: “I do not intend to pontificate but to illuminate.” I am not perfect but I strive towards perfection. So my brothers and sisters let us take our nation back! Back to the days when our parents ate half a chicken in the refectory at the universities, when salaries were paid on time, when pensions were not stolen, when men of God worshiped God and not mammon, when religion did not supercede common sense and intelligence,  when a Super Eagles match was a time for collective pride and not ridicule, when policemen wore the uniform with pride, when our leaders spoke the truth in service and not lies in dishonesty, when we endorsed brilliance and industry not mediocrity and sloth, and when being a Nigerian meant something good.

Sigh....I am tired jor.

The D is Silent: A Review of Django Unchained

Late 2011 when I heard that a Quentin Tarantino “remake” of Django was in the works I was not too happy. Why was I sceptical? Simply put I was afraid Tarantino would taint the iconic character that Django was to me. I had the pleasure of watching the two original Sergio Corbucci Django films starring Franco Nero as a kid – Django (1966), Django Strikes Back (1987), cult classics like so many other spaghetti westerns. What would Tarantino do I wondered? His rehash of Enzo Castellari’s Inglorious Bastards (1978) to Inglourious Basterds (2009) was fresh in my mind and while the latter was a fabulous remake of the original I just could not get my head around the fact that the movie revolved around a black slave! C’mon! Tarantino that is taking things too far! I screamed in my mind. But reading the screenplay and watching the film changed it all.

Tarantino’s Django Unchained tells its own story although he borrows the name “Django” and the revenge plot of the earlier films. So in other words Django Unchained is very much its own film. However, Tarantino turns a genre on its head where he features the avenging cavalier as a black ex-slave who goes about legally killing white folks who have done him wrong! I guess this is the kind of effrontery that has made Tarantino the director that he is.

Jamie Foxx shows up in the way only he can as he brings this remixed Django to the big screen. He plays his role quite effectively without any over the top acting. Initially he portrays a black slave just going along with the plans of his new master - a crazy white dentist-turned-bounty-hunter who is obviously “not from around these parts”. But as he becomes an equal partner he grows into his own man, a man who having removed the shackles of slavery wants his wife back and will kill as many men (white or black) in order to achieve his aim. Or is this all an act? Perhaps he only played the characters of angry, former slave/bounty hunter/One-eyed Charlie a little too well? You slowly realize that a black man born into slavery and only recently set free would have to put on a different persona from the one he is used to in order to survive his new found freedom and to fulfill his quest.

Dr. King Schultz played by Christoph Waltz was at his insidious best. The irony that a German doctor gives a black slave his freedom and helps him on his mission to rescue his lost slave wife in 19^th century America is not lost. Waltz portrays the foreign-dentist-turned-bounty-hunter with aplomb almost equal to but yet a  mirror image of his performance in Inglourious Basterds. He is once again sublime in his delivery and acting.

Leonardo DiCaprio as Calvin J. Candie gave a good performance as is with DiCaprio’s acting. Kerry Washington effectively played the damsel in distress. 

Now, Samuel L. Jackson’s Stephen was vintage Samuel L. Jackson! He played the part to a T so much so that a colleague remarked that he should not have gotten paid for the role!! I quite agree. Stephen’s loud talking, foul-mouthed, condescending Uncle Tom was just right. Seeing Jonah Hill had me in stitches his appearance was hilarious for some reason but he played his part well.

It was a great pleasure to see the original Django, Franco Nero in a cameo. The scene which was not in the original screenplay where he talks to Jamie’s Django asking if he could spell his name brought tears to my eyes. In that instant I forgave Quentin.

The film’s score and music was mad!!!! Right from the opening credits we are greeted with frequent Tarantino collaborator, prolific film scorer including numerous spaghetti westerns, and Academy Award winner Luis Bacalov’s “Django” which takes one back to when spaghetti westerns ruled the screens. The humorous “His Name Was King” reminds us that this is all just entertainment but Rick Ross’ anachronistic “100 Black Coffins” and the dialogue by Django and Billy Crash (Walton Goggins) leading to it was definitely one of the high points of Django Unchained; to say it was apt would be an understatement.

Filled with quite a few controversial themes and discussion points that could take days to discuss, in the end Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained is almost a hyperbole. Despite the usual generous helping of blood and guts we have come to associate with Tarantino's films, Django Unchained applies just the right amount of fantasy.  Indeed, all the characters are acting, some living a fantasy, some striving for one: from wanted outlaw Willard Peck who takes on the role of Sheriff Bill Sharp, to Django a slave who plays a free man, and to the house n***er Stephen who kowtows before his master when in character and then sits in his master's chair, sips his brandy and talks to him as an equal when out of character, Django Unchained (apologies to Spike Lee) is simply just a fantasy – what every damn good film should be. 

Why the Negro/African/Black Man/Nigerian is the Way He Is (Thoroughly Random Musings!)

I have often taken time out to try to understand why the black race or Negroes or Africans or Nigerians or what-you-will are the way we are. I mean we’re so backward while the rest of the world, even Asia, is far far ahead of us. I have had cause to almost regret being born African in this Dark Continent/Country where the ‘light’ refuses to ‘shine’. I’ve lived twenty nine long years in this country and in that period we have not been able to have uninterrupted power supply, potable water, smooth roads, etc.

I watched the Obama inauguration and marvelled at that nation called the United States of America. I watched the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008 and was tripped by the performance of the Chinese, a race of people we Nigerians mock but still a nation using its great population to make themselves relevant! So much so that they have now become a threat to the existing super power clique of economically-superior nations. A few years ago, Nigeria and Singapore were both termed ‘third world nations’…. Oops my bad! I meant to write ‘developing nations’. A few years later Singapore is now categorised as a ‘Developed Nation’, with Singapore Airlines winning best airline in the world twice in a row! I also understand that oil was discovered in Nigeria and the UAE around the same time… today Dubai is a tourist haven, an expanse of sand turned into paradise on earth. Nigeria? Go figure.

There’s a book “Capitalist Nigger: The Road to Success, a Spider-Web Doctrine" written by a Nigerian, Dr. Chika Onyeani which tries to educate the black man for the need to change his ways of thinking, his ways of seeing and doing things. Dr. Onyeani mentions "Blacks are economic slaves because they lack the "killer-instinct" and "devil-may-care" attitude of the Caucasian, as well as the "spider web economic mentality" of the Asian." The black man is said to be innately naïve – another word for ‘fool’; thinking that everyone has his best interests at heart being ready and able to dish out aid just because we are our brothers’ keepers!

For years the Negro has tried to live down claims of inferiority to these other races with some success – mainly in sports, music and entertainment in general. Whites and Asians do not have two heads, do they? So why are we at the bottom of the developmental ladder? A continent always on the look-out for international aid? A continent unable to carry out free and fair elections? A continent ravaged by war, disease and hunger? A continent whose people flee in droves in search of a better life? What has the black man achieved or contributed to the world? But that’s not the question I attempt to answer in this uneducated write-up. No, I seek to postulate two reasons as to why we are so underdeveloped socially, intellectually, culturally, financially, technologically, etc.

The Curse.

Personally, I believe that our problems as to why we are the way we are can be traced to the beginning of the Bible. Yes, the Bible. In Genesis Chapter 9 the story is told of Noah and his sons after the deluge. We are told that only Noah, his three sons - Shem, Ham and Japheth - and their wives were spared by God during his destruction of mankind. Now post-deluge, Noah plants a vineyard and upon harvest makes wine (probably the first distillery!) proceeds to drink his fill and promptly gets drunk ending up naked in his tent. Ham one of his sons happens along and spots his naked father in his stupor and laughs at the old man’s nakedness. To make matters worse he goes off to find his brothers to ‘tatafo’ to them. Shem and Japheth do not see anything funny and leave their disrespectful brother to tend to their father. The Bible says they took a sheet between themselves and walked backward so as to avoid seeing their father’s nakedness and covered him up. They probably cleaned him up too!

Waking up with a blinding hangover, Noah is told the events following his drinking binge and immediately dispatches curses and blessings among his sons. No points for guessing who got cursed! The Bible says in Genesis 9 v 24-27 in the New Century Version:

24 Noah was sleeping because of the wine. When he woke up and learned what his youngest son, Ham, had done to him,25 he said,
"May there be a curse on Canaan!
May he be the lowest slave to his brothers."
26 Noah also said,
"May the LORD, the God of Shem, be praised!
May Canaan be Shem's slave.
27 May God give more land to Japheth.
May Japheth live in Shem's tents,
and may Canaan be their slave."

And so in this way, Noah effectively cursed his son Ham for dishonouring him. Now guess what? The black man, the Negro or ‘Cush’ as written in the Bible is a descendant of Ham! Read your Bible it’s there in Genesis. Now gbam! Therein lies the cause of our congenital problem of underdevelopment! We were cursed due to an offence committed by our fore-father. Which race became the slaves of the white man ‘Japheth’ and his Asian brother ‘Shem’? (Abeg, make una no condemn me for this o! LOL). Yes, I admit that the link is a bit tenuous but the Bible does not lie! Or how else do you want to explain the reason we are the way we are and where we are? I invite you to try.

Living the Life of Riley in a Non-Hostile Environment.

This alternative reason as to why the black man is so laid back in his thinking and development was actually postulated by my boss (Dr. M. Nzeribe) following a discussion on the remote and direct reasons for our lack of self reliance. My boss likes to talk but his explanation was surprisingly short so I had the job of building on his premise.

Blacks as situated on the African continent have never had it so good. Relative to the hostile climate of Europe, Asia, Antarctica, Australia and the Americas ours is quite literally a stroll in the sun (pun intended!) He says that due to our clement weather the African never really felt challenged by his environment. The tropics were just ideal. It lacked the fierce colds of the temperate regions like Russia; the flood prone lands of south-east Asia; the biting heat of the desert day and the freezing cold of the desert night. In short, shelter and clothing were not a problem. He could live in trees like the apes and go about in a loin cloth without a care in the world.

Transportation? No problem, as a three day stroll to the next major market would not kill him as the sun was friendly. Besides, he did not have horses so the idea of inventing the wheel did not occur to him, why should it? The white man had to think of ways to get to his destination faster because if he stayed out longer than necessary the elements would get him!

Food. The African had it good, with fertile soils, ample rains and good old tropical sun, he didn’t have to stretch himself to plant and harvest. The food simply grew and he simply harvested. Barns and storage sheds if any were basic as there was no need to construct elaborate structures to store grain.

Technology. Wetin concern tortoise with 5-bedroom mansion? There was simply no need for tools other than those used to hunt and gather. I still stifle a laugh whenever I read or remember that our fore-fathers sold their brothers as slaves for mere trifles like mirrors, glass, marbles, guns (without gunpowder), etc.

There were no real challenges that the African had to overcome; life was good as the gods had been good to him. And this he acknowledged by ‘blindly’ worshipping different gods. If one was sick, it meant that the gods needed to be appeased. No rain? Appease a different god. No children? Appease the god of fertility. Plague, pestilence or pillaging marauders? Appease the gods. So nothing was developed as the man refused to think for himself as everything that could go wrong was out of his hands, the gods were to blame! (Er, I think I’m just about guilty of this same attitude to our problems as explored in the first part of this write-up! Sheesh, talk about the apple not falling far from the tree!)

Meanwhile, the other races on the planet were fighting earthquakes so they built stronger houses; were fighting cold so they discovered ways to heat their homes; were fighting darkness so they developed electricity; were fighting disease and death so they discovered advanced medicine and drugs; were fighting oppression and conquest so they invented diplomacy and weapons (of mass destruction?); were fighting delays so they invented fast cars and airplanes; were fighting boredom so they went to the moon, invented the television, the radio, cinema and Facebook!

I ask again what has the African invented? Nothing, so "We've become a sheep-like consumer race that depends on other communities for our culture, language, feeding, and clothing. We've become economic slaves in Western (and now Eastern) society,” (quoting the good Dr Onyeani again!)

So where do we go from here and what might be the solution to our underdevelopment?

I haven’t the faintest idea (or maybe I’m just too damn lazy to think about it? : ) )


Copyright 2009 TJ O'karo