For the Love of Bobbi!

“If you are still sucking breast, whether your wife’s or girlfriend’s, Happy Children’s Day! Lol!”

That was the joke I got via BB from a friend on Children’s Day. After I had a good laugh and responded adequately to her message where I placed the “blame” entirely on the shoulders of women, I began to think about breasts and why men of different ages are undeniably drawn to and fascinated by “bobbi” as my Warri connect would refer to them. Well not having enough time to carry out a proper survey, I restricted the scope of my rationalisations to my experiences and the few things I have heard other men say about boobs. From this we can hopefully draw a generalisation of the reasons behind men’s love affair with breasts.

First, I think that men are inexplicable drawn to boobs because we do not have boobs. One lady once remarked: What’s the big deal about breasts sef that you men can’t keep your eyes to yourselves?!” Simple: What one does not have, one covets. Yes, I am sure you can identify with wanting something that you do not have, like the new Blackberry phone or the new Jimmy Choos or Prada bag or that job, or that car etc. Yes, men see boobs as something to have, like “Damn! I want those pair of boobs!” Please do not be offended as it is not my intention to objectify women but it is the truth. Deep down inside I think most men are jealous that you women can carry something so delectable, so round, so protruding with panache and style. Really breasts add to a woman’s figure and enhance her curves and overall appeal. I read something off Twitter from @uberfacts, which went something like this: “Human females are the only female mammals whose breasts do not decrease in size after weaning their young.” So maybe human breasts are meant to be an added feature that promotes physical and sexual attraction during non-breastfeeding periods? Talking about breast feeding we have all heard of women who refuse to breastfeed (for long periods) because they do not want their boobies to lose shape. Why? To preserve the beauty of their boobs and to please man of course! Please ladies, breast feed your babies as doctors will tell you that there are numerous health benefits for the baby. By the way, spare some for oga too!

So my first encounter with breasts was around the age of twelve. No, mine was not as a baby because according to my mum, I did not take to breast milk so I was not breast fed but drank from a bottle (yes, you Psych majors can go Freudian on me now). So my first real notice of boobs happened one evening when I rang my neighbours’ doorbell and their 20-something year old aunt opened the door wearing a wrapper. Fortunately or unfortunately, as she said my playmates were not home her wrapper came loose and slipped from her chest. Gbam! I saw a pair of creamy mammary glands. Hmm....now those look interesting I said to myself.

From then on as any normal teenage boy would tell you, my life apart from school revolved around any opportunity to take a closer look at a woman’s chest. It became a thing where a guy would claim to have seen a classmate’s bra. We willed ourselves to see beyond the fabric; we would stretch our arms and jut out our elbows just to cop a feel.  It did not matter whom as long as they were females who were non-relatives, but since we spent the most time in school and at home it fell to schoolmates and neighbours. But I reckon in those early teenage years it was hardly a sexual thing, it was just a matter of curiosity.

My first physical encounter with boobs was at fifteen during a make out session, and boy were they big! Double Ds I believe. And no, they did not belong to the help. They belonged to the first girl I kissed, and she was my age. The feeling was great and I remember thinking “So this is what these feel like!” My curious mind had been sated, I knew what boobs felt and tasted like, finally. Or not. I encountered the same pair for a while until I had the opportunity to meet with another pair which were quite different. Now my curiosity was piqued even more. It became a “Hmm, I wonder what Sade’s breasts would feel like? Jennifer’s?” Then it became one encounter after the other as I got into the university. The thing is as one woman was different from the other, so were one pair of boobs different from the other. Now ladies please do not get me wrong, the boobs thing was just complementary to the whole dating experience, I promise.

Breasts have no “real” sexual function at least from the man’s point of view. I say this because we have been told that women have the capacity to orgasm via stimulation of the breasts. For men who suckle breasts during the sexual act, Sigmund Freud argued that it is an advanced replication of that first “love relationship” a man has with his mother as a baby. So men MUST suckle. And maybe that is another reason for our fascination with boobs, we need nurturing, and since our mums cannot do this anymore, we turn to you women to provide that safe embrace where we know that nothing can go wrong and all is well.

Ladies, men love your boobs, big and/or small. We cannot help it if we stare. But some of you are to blame for the stares. Ah ahn! I have seen low cut blouses that would make a priest stutter, and from married women at that. I have a friend who was quite endowed but deliberately wore those tight push up bras, ol’ boy, guys noticed and formed a long line! The cleavage! Oh! The cleavage! It calls to us, whispering our names, begging us to look.

There are some women who understand the power those creamy mounds possess. There is a friend of a friend who is a motivational speaker/etiquette and communication coach, who confessed that jiggling her top heavy chest opens doors for her and helps “get her point across” whenever she gave presentations and talks.

On the health side of things I am aware that big mammaries can cause severe back pain as a woman ages. So breast reduction is being practised. On the other hand, some women have had theirs increased. What for? In my personal opinion, except you are flat as a washboard, you really should not be getting breast enlargement done. You know why? Because men will still suckle! Yes, some men like theirs big, let them go get the big ones; there are others like a friend who says “more than a handful is a waste” who like them small.

The point of this article? None really. Men simply love boobs, and the truth is no reason is needed! Do not be offended when we ogle, instead be proud. Stick them out, proudly especially if you have been blessed with a “Manchester”. But if you like, cover them up, wear Wonder Bra or wear “Kostay”, it is up to you but men will still stare and forever love and be fascinated with your boobs.... Chei! See bobbi!