Monday 31 December 2018

Ranking My 2018 Movies


- The Year of the Strong Female Lead and the Unnecessary Pre/Sequel 

It is that time of the year again when I bore regal you with my own ranking of the 2018 films I saw within the 365 days allotted for the year. Within this timeframe, I was able to see 60 films released in 2018 both on the big and stream screens… which reminds me, I am yet to buy that 43” Smart Web TV that should improve my viewing experience on Netflix…Gofundme anyone? :D

At the end of the year I was torn between dubbing the year 2018 “The Year of the Strong Female Lead” and “The Year of the Unnecessary Pre/Sequel”. Why?

Ok so out of the 60 movies I watched, 20 featured strong female leads (N’yongo, Lawrence, Blunt, Henson, Gaga, Bullock amongst others), which I noted with interest against the backdrop of the recent #MeToo movement with some doing very well at the box office and some garnering high praise among critics and audiences alike; who says movies featuring women leads cannot do well, eh?

On the other hand, some studios basically rushed to put out meaningless prequels and sequels that failed to really move the needle on anything other than for dumb reasons like: “let’s cash in on this wave”, “I think we need to tell this story because we have the money to do this and the fans love us” which resulted in very bad movies.

A summary of the movies I saw:


  • 20 Strong Female Leads
  • 17 Sequels/Franchises/Universes
  • 12 Netflix Originals
  • 11 Book Adaptations
  • 6 Comic Book Adaptations
  • 3 Remakes
  • 2 Video Game Adaptations
  • 1 Animated Feature


So, let’s get right into it shall we? As you may be aware, my own criteria for the rankings are as follows:

  • 2018 films I watched (including Netflix Originals)
  • Entertainment Value
  • Plot/Storyline
  • Expectations Met


60. Mute

A Netflix Original starring a mute/dumb Alexander Skarsgard as a non-talkative bartender (hahahaha!) who is looking for his girlfriend in a 2030’s Berlin. Whoever told the dashing Mr. Skarsgard that his looks alone should be able to carry the film lied. Funnyman Paul Rudd was no help either as the film which has been compared to Blade Runner leaves you rather angry and mute at the end.


59. Final Score


Starring Dave Bautista, Ray Stevenson and Pierce Brosnan one would expect a lot more but Final Score is a Sudden Death wannabe without the charm of a certain Jean Claude van Damme.


58. Proud Mary




Oh, Proud Mary!!! The first film I saw at this cinema this year and with a title and poster like that I was prepared to be blown away by a gun-toting Taraji P. Henson, but Lord what a waste! After the first act the movie went south, deep south – a stupid plot with no real motives, zero depth, poorly choreographed action; the only good thing about the film was hearing Tina Turner’s Proud Mary over the gunplay.


57. The First Purge



The first of the unnecessary sequels/prequels on this list. There was absolutely no need for this film and from someone who has seen all the Purge movies with varying degrees of appreciation, this is saying a lot. Do not watch.


56. Batman Ninja

When we saw the preview over a year ago, we were amped. Team Batman vs. the villains in feudal Japan?!!! This anime-DC comic book crossover was supposed to be epic but alas in between the translation/subtitles things really felt out of sync with this one. What went wrong? I just do not know as I did not feel this at all. I am worried for the DC/Warner Bros animated features. I mean with last year’s The Killing Joke and now this?! It seems attention is shifting from the animated features which have always been quite excellent to the live features where DC and Warner Bros are trying so hard to compete with Marvel and Disney. I hope they do not regret it.


55. Skyscraper



It was tagged “Die Hard in a burning skyscraper!” Insult to the greatness that is Die Hard. Full of plot holes and contrivances, I think this was just an attempt to tap into China’s purse strings. Meh.



54. Siberia

I don’t know why I kept on watching Siberia but it always seemed like something exciting would happen in the next scene, and so on and on I went watching Keanu Reeves trudge his way through this movie, until the final scene; it was at that point, I realized that I had been had. Siberia will leave you cold.


53. The Hurricane Heist

Lampooned and lambasted, yes, I agree but I rather enjoyed this cliché of a film. The thing is I don’t mind clichés and tropes if they are well done and I think this was rather well done. It’s a heist movie taking place in the middle of a hurricane, what were you expecting? Starring Toby Kebbell, Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) and Maggie Grace (Taken movies).


52. Apostle



Gareth Evans, Gareth Evans, Gareth Evans, adored director of the two great Raid movies gives us this horror film set on a Welsh Island in 1905, that I could not wrap my head around. There were glimpses of good performances from Dan Stevens and a very good story but then again Gareth Evans, Gareth Evans, Gareth Evans.


51. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

I do not care what anyone says but this is the worst Black Mirror story ever! At first, I thought “Oh brilliant!” but it was a gimmick and I absolutely detest gimmicks in movies. The 80’s nostalgia which has become a go-to device for filmmakers to get into the “feels” of their audiences fell flat, the multi-story, decision tree event participation was meh in my opinion, after the 9th fork in the tale I was done and I no longer cared for a resolution, I just wanted my time back! Available on Netflix.


50. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

The second of the unnecessary sequels/prequels. I hated this film. It was poorly written, poorly acted (Dallas Bryce Howard cannot act to save her life), poorly paced and really so unnecessary!!! It is the dumbest of the Jurassic Park movies, yes even dumber than Jurassic Park 2! But hey, the money-making monster juggernaut continues to break box office records because who needs an intelligent dinosaur film? Michael Crichton will be turning over in his grave.

Now the 40’s…


49. Solo: A Star Wars Story

The third of the unnecessary sequels/prequels. The Han Solo story felt like a rushed job. Zero gravitas, aura, a very poor script and casting in my opinion; it is just as well that viewers, fanboys and critics felt the same.


48. The Week Of



Another Adam Sandler and Chris Rock comedy that I think was supposed to be a combination of Father of the Bride and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Flat.


47. Nappily Ever After



I have to say that Sanaa Lathan is not particularly a very good actress truth be told so this romcom never takes one to the heady heights that romcoms do. Or perhaps it was not supposed to be a romcom but a feminist movie…hmmm? It was great seeing English actor Ricky Whittle who plays Shadow Moon in Starz’ American Gods and Lyriq Bent (Robert in Tyler Perry’s Acrimony) as the competing love interests.


46. Annihilation



Natalie Portman stars in this Netflix Original movie that was supposed to be a masterpiece but the third act was a letdown. Yes, the critics loved it but maybe it’s me but I just did not get it because I do not like movies that are seemingly pointless. Annihilation also stars Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tessa Thompson, Gina Rodriguez, Oscar Isaac and Benedict Wong.


45. Death Wish



As remakes go, this was a far cry from the original Charles Bronson movies. I love vigilante flicks but this was uninspiring.


44. King of Boys

Hmmm…what can I say about King of Boys, the story of a female powerbroker and gangster in a world of men? It was a very bold and ambitious film from our very own Kemi Adetiba (The Wedding Party) which I suspect was just satire. With a running time of over 2 hours it really stretched my patience as I was unprepared to sit for that long. It had its good parts - the very good story, the strong performances by Sola Sobowale, Reminisce, Illbliss and Adesua Wellington - but the inevitable challenges with pacing, editing and believability (oh the pseudo EFCC agents!) that beset our industry reared its head.


43. Hotel Artemis



Great premise, great first half for a movie featuring the great Jodi Foster and Jeff Goldblum somehow somehow petered out. It could have been as bad ass as Bad Times at the El Royale or John Wick.


42. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grimewald

In continuation of the “Year of Unnecessary Pre/Sequels” we have another entry. The first part was very very good, I really enjoyed it but this was just lame as even the visual effects and the wizarding world could not prevent me from leaving the theatre more confused than when I went in. Poor form.


41. The Predator

They disturbed us with this preview sha. The worst Predator movie yet but it still offered some thrills. Featuring Boyd Holbrook (Logan, Narcos), Trevante Rhodes (Moonlight, Bird Box), Sterling K. Brown (Hotel Artemis, Black Panther) and again an unrecognizable Thomas Jane (The Punisher, Deep Blue Sea).


40. Mile 22

Another gimmick. The opening scene was fire, Mark Wahlberg was in it, Ronda Rousey, John Malkovich and star of the two Raid films Iko Uwais who was greatly underutilized and a bad fit for this film. Peter Berg’s movies are either good or very bad and this was very bad.


Into the 30's...


39. TAU




I enjoyed TAU! This Netflix Original gave us a peek into what can happen in a few years with AI and robotics. Check it out.


38. Breaking In



Gabrielle Union stars as yet another strong (black) woman with kids in a home invasion scenario. Director James McTeigue does his best to make this worthwhile.


37. The Equalizer 2

There was hype and anticipation following the success of the first Equalizer movie but this did not live up to the heights of the first one and I dare to (despite my love for Denzel Washington) add this to the list of unnecessary sequels that came out this year.


36. The World is Yours



The first non-English film on the list, year! This is basically the French version of those dramatic comedies where the Protagonist-needs-to-carry-out-one-last-drug-deal-so-he-can-go-legit movies. Good performances by the lovely Isabelle Adjani, Karim Leklou and Vincent Cassel in a quite different role from what I am used to.


35. I Am Not An Easy Man

Another Netflix Original and French film! I got the heads up on this from Twitter. This is a what if fantasy movie: what if the male and female dynamic was reversed, where men are basically women and women basically men? The hilarity! Funny but still leaves one with a lot to think about. #MeToo


34. Creed II 



The prince of the unnecessary sequels this year. Urgh! I know we were all amped for it but somehow it doesn't carry the gravitas of Rocky IV. It was a bit 2-dimensional and very predictable and the drama couldn't gloss that over. Okay your papa kills my papa, so I must defeat you and I now rush into a killer ass whooping! RMEs. I never got that feel that Creed was the world champ, he wins the first time and no one rushes the stage, no "Don King" like promoter, no sponsors, no flash, no hype. Rather flat all around. The boxing match scenes were all that were great about it. Perhaps a spin-off of this spin-off featuring the Dragos will make more sense as I suspect a stronger story can emerge out of that sad relationship.


33. Gringo



The acting powerhouse combination of David Oyelowo, Charlize Theron, David Edgerton and Sharlto Copley could not make this rank higher than it would have. I think it would have been a better comedy with a lighter tone and “less known for serious roles” actors, it just did not wash.


32. Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Starring two of the hottest and grittiest men in Hollywood, Benicio del Toro and Josh Brolin, this was the king of the unnecessary sequels of 2018 as there was absolutely no need for this sequel. I got lost, figured it out and then got lost again and tried hard to tie it into the first one but no dice. It would have been better of if it was a different movie with no ties to the first.


31. Rampage

I enjoyed Rampage and I am not ashamed to say I did. The film does not really take its self seriously and no one should really. Starring Dwayne Johnson and Nega…sorry Jeffrey Dean Morgan in this adaptation of a video game it tries to steal the thunder of the monster genre and satisfyingly so.


30. Ocean’s Eight



The classic switcheroo! Instead of the boys we have the girls: Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter, and Awkwafina. To be honest, this was a let-down and it ranks this high because well, you know...


29. Extinction



It was a great thing seeing my man Michael Pena in a leading role but no lies, Extinction could have been better but it could also have been a lot worse. And oh yeah, the surprise twist was good.


28. Tomb Raider

The reboot of the movie adaptation of the game was fun fun fun. It was the closest thing to its original source material, the Indiana Jones movies. I did not like any of the Angelina Jolie movies and Alicia Vikander did quite well with a better origin story.


27. Pacific Rim Uprising



Giant alien monsters aka Kaijus? Check. Giant human controlled robots aka Jaegers? Check. Difficult odds? Check. Daylight battles between multiple Kaijus and Jaegers? Check. John Boyega doing his best Shai LaBeouf impression? Check. What’s not to love?


26. Bird Box



The comparisons between A Quiet Place and Bird Box were always going to be a feature. What if Bird Box came out before A Quiet Place? Hmmm. Strong casting and performances by Ms. Bullock, Mr. Malkovich and others help this Netflix Original film stay afloat on what is really a bird-brained plot.


25. Peppermint

A straight to the point revenge, vigilante movie featuring Jennifer Garner who resurfaces a few years later to take out the gangster and drug lord who killed her husband and daughter. I like.


24. The Meg



Tries very hard to be a light-hearted summer blockbuster film and it succeeds!


23. Ant-Man and the Wasp

I prefer the first one by far. This was just made to make up the numbers, have a kid friendly Marvel movie and sort of explain why Ant-Man will be in the Avengers: Endgame.


22. Bad Times at the El Royale




Tarantino meets Agatha Christie in this late 60’s set piece about a bunch of strangers with different motives for staying at the El Royale. Jeff Bridges, Jon Hamm, Dakota Johnson, Chris Hemsworth and British-Nigerian Cynthia Erivo star.


21. Calibre

A hunting trip by two friends takes a bad turn when things go horribly wrong when wrong choices are made. A very good movie from Netflix.


To the teens, those very good movies that were edged out of the Top 10 by better movies...


20. BlackKklansman



Based on true accounts: it’s the 70’s and Colorado Springs first African American Detective undertakes an assignment to infiltrate the local Ku Klux Klan. How? You’ll have to watch out to find out. Directed by the inimitable Spike Lee, it stars John David Washington who sounds like his father but does not look much like him and Adam Driver whom I am slowly beginning to like.



19. Upgrade



The critics say this is the much better Venom movie since both movies have very close similarities and star actors who are dead ringers for each other. I liked but it reminded me too much of Hardcore Henry.


18. Hunter Killer
A pretty exciting film Hunter Killer is The Hunt for Red October for this age; featuring Gerard Butler, Common, Gary Oldman and Toby Stephens (Dame Maggie Smith’s buff son).


17. Beirut



Jon Hamm’s best movie so far in my opinion. An intelligent film that tries to showcase the intrigues of espionage in the old middle east.


16. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs



The Coen Brothers live up to their billing as one of the world's best writers and directors in this series of short stories situated in the Old West. Starring Timothy Blake Nelson, Zoe Kazan, James Franco, Liam Neeson, Brendan Gleeson among others, you will laugh, cry and shake your head as you move through each one.


15. Venom

Railed against, I think we have become accustomed to over the top super hero flicks so Venom appears to be underwhelming. But what was everyone expecting? Sony delivered a very good origin Venom story and everyone gave a great performance with acceptable effects and story line. Work done = 1.


14. Deadpool 2

Deadpool 2 gave us Deadpool reloaded. The merc with a mouth lived up to the billing. With a great first act, it sort of went down a couple of notches lower and remained there the rest of the film. The closing time machine montage should be a national treasure.


 13. Nothing to Hide

Another French film based on an earlier Italian film. 3 couples and a friend who are old friends meet up to have dinner when the suggestion of a very dangerous and scary game comes up: they agree to all drop their mobile phones on the dinner table and then read out every text, instant message and listen in on every call that come in. I was shooketh.  Do not try this at home!


12. Ready Player One



Who else could direct this book adaptation that literally drips 70’s, 80’s and 90’s movies, comics, games, toys and other pop culture! Stephen Spielberg delivers in only the way he can in this futuristic film where people live out their days as avatars in a 5D virtual reality world where they earn and spend points and compete to find clues to a hidden game that gives them complete ownership and control of the virtual world. Starring Ansel Elgort (Baby Driver, The Fault in Our Stars, Divergent series) and Miles Teller (Whiplash, Divergent series) lookalike, Tye Sheridan, Lena Waithe and Olivia Cooke and T.J. Miller.


11. Red Sparrow



I think Red Sparrow is grossly underrated and should be added to the list of great espionage movies. Jennifer Lawrence is extra cold as a viscous ballerina-turned-KGB-agent who weighs her options considering the reduced life expectancy that comes with serving the Russian state.


Now those that made the enviable Top 10...


10. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before




This is a sweet, lovely, beautiful tale of high school romance which served as a perfect throwback to all the previous sweet, lovely and beautiful high school movies we watched in the 80’s and 90’s. There is nothing wrong with this Netflix adaptation of the best-selling book by Jenny Han.


9. Acrimony



Meeeeen! WE DO NOT CARE WHAT THE CRITICS THINK! Tyler Perry outdid himself with this one! What a film! It had men and women in the audience taking sides from the start, with some switching sides half way through, with more crossing over to the other side by the end of the movie. I daresay no film shown in Nigerian cinemas has generated as much fiery discussion and debate among Nigerian men and omen as Acrimony. A daring but possibly soap operatic plot which saw Taraji P. Henson destroying her role and Lyriq Bent playing his to perfection leaving us undecided on whether to trust him or not, Acrimony deserved to make more money at the box office.


8. Mortal Engines



I was initially very skeptical and thought to myself “Oh another dystopian film adapted from a book” but really no one does fantasy quite like Peter Jackson. I really really enjoyed Mortal Engines as it is basically the way adventure films should play out. It reminded me of Willow, Never Ending Story and other fantasy films of years gone by; replete with interesting but not outlandish characters it was properly done.


7. A Star is Born



I cried, I laughed. A Star is Born, a remake of two remakes is a great movie and kudos to Bradley Cooper for making me fall in love with Ally and Lady Gaga.


6. Roma



There are directors and there is Alfonso Cuarón. Roma is not a movie, it is a visual masterpiece as only Cuarón can create. Shot in monochrome, you never really feel like you’re watching a movie but more like you’re voyeuristically being carried along as you observe the lives of Cleo and the family she serves in 1970’s Mexico.


5. A Quiet Place




This year’s Get Out. Funny man John Krasinski, follows the footsteps of fellow comedian Jordan Peele as he directs (and stars in) this hit horror film. This is the film Bird Box wants to but instead of sight, the sense affected is sound…make one sound and the frightening alien monsters will be upon you tearing you limb from limb. Instead of Sandra Bullock we have Emily Blunt with a great performance – that scene where she goes into labour with the monster on the prowl was epic. Oh yeah, we actually get to see the monsters unlike in Bird Box. See A Quiet Place.



4. Den of Thieves




Released early in the year, this was the second film I saw at the cinema this year. Starring Gerard Butler, Curtis Jackson, Pablo Schreiber, O'Shea Jackson Jr among others, it tells the tale of a gang of robbers and the hardened Los Angeles policemen on their tail and the people caught in between. The plot is mad, acting very good and sound editing out of this world. Reminiscent of Heat, I can still hear the booming of the guns during the final gun battle when I close my eyes. Oh yeah, pay attention at the end of the film.


3. Mission: Impossible Fallout



Nobody does action like Tom Cruise because to him nothing is impossible. Mission: Impossible Fallout is simply the best action movie made in years.


2. Avengers: Infinity War




The year’s watershed cinema moment. Infinity War left audiences either numb or in tears. The directorial vision of the Russo Brothers as set into motion by the great Kevin Feige was perfectly executed as the end of the first era (or third phase) of the Marvel Cinematic Universe nears. We felt Hulk’s fear, Wong’s fear, Peter’s fear, Okoye’s fear, Tony’s fear, a fear we all still feel as we patiently wait for Avengers: Endgame.



1. Black Panther



You knew it was Black Panther, didn’t you? :D

It was a tight race between Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War, however Black Panther offered a plethora of themes that led to articles, blogs and posts being written, in addition to the new pan-African movement it generated. For the first time, a movie with a predominantly black cast about Africans however fictional went mainstream and shattered box office records and is now firmly lodged in popular culture. Besides its significance, the acting performances by everyone particularly Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Gurira, Letitia Wright, Winston Duke, Angela Bassett and Forest Whitaker are to be praised…they even got some accents right. Director Ryan Coogler did a fantastic job and shout out to my friend who did Letitia Wright’s hair for the film.

The real winner here is Stan Lee and may he continue to rest in peace, and yeah, Wakanda Forever!!!!


So that’s it! I hope you enjoyed reading this way better than I enjoyed writing it! Till next year! :D