Ranking My Top Ten (…and more) Films of 2016

This time every year I try to do a ranking of all the films that came out during the year that I have seen. Each time I do this I try to clearly state the criteria that guides my ranking so as not to confuse, befuddle and surprise the casual reader or movie-watcher, critic or buff as to my choice of one film over the other in an ordered listing.

This year, in addition to Entertainment Value and Plot I have added whether the film Met My Expectations or Not as a criterion for ranking. I mean given the hype and expectations with which we welcomed the 2016 movie year there were quite a few duds that really left me hollow.

Indeed, 2016 was a below average year for movies; the army of sequels, superhero flicks and video-game adaptations. So I found “new” stories rather refreshing and will admit a bias towards them. Unfortunately, I did not see so many dramas as my year was extremely busy which is why I am honestly quite surprised I saw 50 2016 titles.

So enough jibber jabber and on to the list!

So again, the criteria for the list is:

• Entertainment Value
• Plot
• Expectations Met

49. Underworld: Blood Wars

The first sequel on this list and apparently, Kate Beckinsale is the new Milla Jovovich. I fell asleep twice watching this.

48. The Jungle Book

Never liked the cartoon and the live-action adaptation did little to change that. Fell asleep once (or twice).

47. The Boss

Melissa McCarthy surprised us all with Spy last year. This is no Spy, this is a pointless movie.

46. Batman: The Killing Joke

Started out well and was quite amped for this but this is by far the worst DC animated feature ever. Hated the Barbara Gordon-Bruce Wayne love arc and the end was quite meh. I guess the writers were going for some sort of psychology themed story where we see that the Joker is ying to Batman’s yang. (No, we did not all read the comic and we don’t care, we just want to be entertained.)

45. Ratchet and Clank

Video-game cartoon adaptation. As far as animated features go this was kinda flat with zero soul.

44. Cell

This Walking-Dead-meets-Technology mash-up could have been a much better movie. Even Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusack couldn’t save this Stephen King adaptation.

43. Mechanic: Resurrection

Another sequel and probably Jason Statham’s worst film. My ex-crush Jessica Alba was as active as a mannequin throughout and the whole thing was border line B-Movie. And oh yeah, Tommy Lee Jones and Michelle Yeoh were in it. Shock! Horror!

42. The 5th Wave

I first thought, “Not another alien invasion dystopian future muck” but the more I saw the preview, the more I suspected this would be an intelligent film. I was wrong. My darling Chloe Grace Moretz wasn’t kick ass enough.

41. How to Be Single

One of the few dramas I saw this year. Great premise, good plot but somehow somehow it petered out flat.

40. Meet the Blacks

Hahaha! Zero expectations, plenty laughs in this B-Movie! Sometimes you just want some silly entertainment and this lampoon worked.

39. Bastille Day

Luc Beeson ohhh! I really tried to like this film but I guess Idris Elba’s acting was not quite it for me. Waste of time.

38. Skiptrace

Jackie Chan and Johnny Knoxville…. go figure. They tried to do another Rush Hour and Shanghai Knights buddie flick but although it has quite some heart it did not quite take.

37. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

I prefer the first one to be honest but it was nice seeing Beebop and Rocksteady “properly” portrayed on the big screen. My kids loved it, so there.

36. Assassin’s Creed

Full disclosure: I only just played the game (Part 3) about two months ago (Trash game but my son likes it). However as a firm believer in “do not judge a movie by its book, comic, cartoon or video game I Stan’d for this film and looked forward to it when I heard Michael Fassbender was going to be in it. People, the movie is pointless. Will not be watching any sequels.

35. Zootopia

You people can hype something sha. This Who Framed Roger Rabbit wannabe was all hype jor. Well, at least the kids loved it – especially the train scene. J

34. X-Men: Apocalypse

Rubbish! Crap! I was sooo annoyed! 20^th Century Fox should just give hand over the rights to Disney! This was appalling. It was like I was watching Days of Future Past -2.0. The Four Horsemen were weak! Apocalypse was so weak I wanted to die! The plot was all over the place. Nothing felt convincing. I swear the only reason why this film is this high up is my love for everything X-men.

33. Batman Versus Superman: Dawn of Justice

The only reason why this film is not at the bottom of this list is my undying love for Batman. For more please watch Hitler Reacts to Dawn of Justice here as it fully captures my thoughts about the movie. And yes, can that lady not return as Lois Lane? Thank you.

32. The Angry Birds Movie

An animated feature adaptation of the monster game. I think it was quite creative the way they told the story of the different kinds of birds and their relationship with the pigs. It’s ok to be angry sometimes.

“I like the beginning and the middle a little. I also like the part when Red said ‘ Wow. My teacher can shoot fireballs.” – my son, Tega

31. Ghostbusters

I was curious, very curious. There was no need for this AT ALL! Crappy humour, overacting made us yearn for the original. Another Melissa McCarthy and Paul Fieg subpar stuff. But we just loved the cameos by the original cast, didn’t we? J

30. Fifty Shades of Black

I won’t lie, I loved the preview. I mean it makes more sense to like the parody of a bad film based on an even worse book, eh? Marlon Wayans delivers once again in yet another lampoon of a people’s favourite. I see a lot of promise in Kali Hawk’s career; she’s a good actor and is banging too!

29. Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad was a marketing success. Warner Bros. successfully fooled a whole bunch of us into watching this film coming at the heels of the sham that was BvS. Viola Davis was the only redeeming factor in this vehicle. The jokes seemed forced and although I would admit that Margot Robbie put in quite a performance, Harley Quinn isn’t quite my thing.

28. Midnight Special

One of those movies I stumbled upon so no expectations. A supernatural sci-fi drama about a boy with unique abilities hunted by special agents, it offered a bit of fresh air albeit reminiscent of old classics like Firestarter. Michael Shannon was at his usual dramatic best with Joel Edgerton supporting quite ably.

27. Doctor Strange

It was with some reluctance that I watched this due to the #Whitewashing controversy. Great effects! Dazzling colours! And what you would expect from Benedict Cumberbatch. Madds Mikkelsen was well, mad in it.

26. Pele: Birth of a Legend

I liked this film. As far as movies about football go, it is always a hard thing to do not to talk of a biopic. But I love the attempt to portray the god that Pele is, another difficult thing about the film. Starring Kevin de Paula and Vincent D’Onofrio. It has heart and spirit but albeit falls short of what a great sports movie should be.

25. The Purge: Election Year

Better than the last one. It made sense and against the backdrop of the coming US elections was great timing. The killer teenage girls shook me.

24. The Magnificent Seven

Yet another remake. Antoine Fuqua’s attempt does absolutely no damage to the 1960 original. With some good acting by Mr. Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Chris Pratt, Lee Byung-hun and Vincent D’Onofrio, together with the vistas of the old west provide a throwback of some sort to the western classics of bygone years.

23. Barbershop: The Next Cut

The feel-good film of the year! Love the positive vibes and messages this put out. It was good seeing Deon Cole of Blackish (I love his voice) on the big screen.

22. Central Intelligence

Not in the league of other Kevin Hart flicks but this was not bad at all. Funny as….

21. 10 Cloverfield Lane

A prequel (?) I must confess I did not pay as much attention to this film as I should have. It started a little slow and built up slowly which made for loss of concentration sometimes. However, John Goodman was well…good and the end was worth the previous sluggishness.

20. The CEO

Great attempt at yet another whodunit by the master of Nigerian mystery-suspense, Kunle Afolayan. The cinematography was top notch as usual and although the reveal was rather watery and I respect the daring of this film. Totally enjoyable.

19. The Brothers Grimsby

What else would you expect from a Sacha Baron-Cohen film? Irreverent and potty humour, that’s what, and I am not ashamed to say I loved this film which feature Andy Garcia lookalike Mark Strong.

18. Kung Fu Panda 3

Po and friends were grittier and tougher in this one.

17.  Eddie the Eagle

Taron Egerton is a good actor! I saw the poster and I thought “nah!” Somehow I got a copy to watch and I enjoyed every minute. This is such an inspiring story of self-belief and what the Olympics is really about – participation, as never more evident than in this year’s edition.

16. When the Bough Breaks

I laughed and laughed from start to finish. A dramatic thriller, this film made my day, no, in fact my week! Silly stuff!

15. London Has Fallen

Full disclosure:  I am a Gerard Butler fan. Dude is not a bad actor you know. Yeah, London was not as good as its Olympus but I loved the idea of it. It was fantastic watching all the leaders of the free world get popped like that, just almost as riveting as the White House being attacked in Olympus. In the end it was good fun that set the pace for many of the year’s action flicks to follow and surpass.

14. Keanu

Buddie flicks had been quite tricky to come by for a couple of years and then comes Keanu, no expectation and boom! it slide-tackles you. The misadventures of two square African American friends (Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key) revolving around a cat named Keanu should be one for the ages.

13. The Nice Guys

Another “buddie flick”, yaay! Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe star as a pair of two very different private detectives who team up to try to solve the murder and disappearance of two women in 1970s Los Angeles. I think this successfully paid homage to the buddie flicks of yesteryears.

12. Kubo and the Two Strings

Cool stuff! Thank God for film nerds on the internet for this one sort of flew under the radar. This is the best animated feature this year. Great story line, somewhat weak in the middle but essentially puts the last few adventure cartoons and films of the last few years to shame.

11. Money Monster

Directed by Jodie Foster, this one moved me. I think it was very efficiently done with Jack O’Connell and George Clooney giving good performances. I have seen films like this before but I guess this was more relatable given the recession that we have found ourselves in.

10. The Legend of Tarzan

For some reason, I really like this movie. Maybe it was the opening scene or the Tarzan vs. erstwhile Big Brother Silverback Gorilla fight but it really packed some heavy hitters – Samuel L. Jackson, Christoph Waltz, Alexander Skarsgard, Djimon Hounsou and Margot Robbie as Jane. It took one to a world of make believe and adventure, exactly what a good movie should do.

9. War Dogs

I still can’t get over Jonah Hill’s Efraim’s character laugh! What is that?! Loool. Another movie I was blind-sided by but was fun to watch. Great acting all around especially Mr. Hill’s but couldn’t get a certain “Lord of War” film out of my mind while watching this.

PS: Why is it that people in Miami, let’s just say Florida are nearly always involved in the most outlandish schemes ever? Is it the sun?

8. The Birth of a Nation

I had looked forward to this film since January and I was not disappointed. It took several years to make and I would just like to say kudos for the balls and bravery required to make it. Movies are about storytelling and this film did just that. From beginning to end I was enthralled and moved along with the story that needed to be told on the big screen. Birth of a Nation is hesitant, unsure but still riveting.

7. Now You See Me 2

Hated hated the first part! So I had zero expectations and boy was I surprised! This was more fun, more realistic and more magical. This can finally be part of a long list of good heist films.

6. Jason Bourne

Sequels galore innit? So I kinda like the Bourne series and Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass were both back in the drivers’ seat to remind us how it is done! Featuring fantastic and mad characters (Vincent Cassel? I have no words), this was a joy ride.

5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

The daresay the best comedy this year. It came 14 years after the first part and although not quite the runaway smash hit that its predecessor was it still made me laugh and left a warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

4. The Accountant

I almost appluaed at the end of this movie and I took back some of the bad things I had ever said about Ben Affleck’s acting. The preview did not prepare me for the roller-coaster ride that it is. Brilliant, intelligent and good acting all around, it reminds me of a time gone by in moviedom.

3. Eye in the Sky

And why this film is not No. 1 I do not know; maybe I am biased, maybe it is the fan-boy in me….yes, that is the reason. More movies like this should be made. It was refreshing with a capital “R”. I firmly believe without a doubt that director Gavin Hood evoked from me at the exact scene, every emotion he wanted to extract from his audience. Whaaat?!!! Excellent performances by Dame Helen Mirren, Aaron Paul, Barkhad Abdi and the late Alan Rickman.

2. Deadpool

I mean Deadpool was the movie to beat this year and $783m and 10 months later very few movies did. It was a dream come true of a movie and its distinct success has probably put paid to what is known as the summer blockbuster season! Irreverent, anti-heroic, potty & sexual humour-filled, slow-mo, flow-mo packed hit featuring Ryan Reynolds and Tim Miller in his main directorial debut sees Wade the Mouth put his money where his mouth is and we loved it!

Makes you forgive 20^th Century Fox for messing up that other X-Men film.

1. Captain America: Civil War

Yes, I am a fan boy. Fully #TeamCap.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the highest grossing movie of 2016 at $1.1bn worldwide! And my No. 1 film for 2016! First, I love what Disney or whomever did with the marketing! The digital marketing was insane! We were all made to pick sides, #TeamCap or #TeamIronMan. The various teasers tickled us, arousing our interests as we coud barely wait. The preview with the Spider-Man reveal left us in throes as D-Day finally arrived. And guess what? We were not disappointed! Great storytelling, excellent management of screen time for all the characters we love, great action sequences and effects, numerous talking points – Spider-man’s intro, Ant-Man becoming Giant-Man (I got pissed because the whole Spidey and Black Panther love overshadowed this), Black Panther the new beau (bye-bye Thor!), Bucky and Cap’s double-team on Iron Man etc. Kudos to the Russo Brothers! And I do hope Joss Whedon is taking pointers from them!

So that’s it! I am pretty sure Rogue One, Don’t Breathe and The Wedding Party would have featured in the Top 10 but alas I did not have the time to fit them in before the end of the year. Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all. L

So what do you think? Yay? Nay? Leave a comment below, like and share!

Finally!! - A Review of The Figurine.

Last weekend I watched the Kunle Afolayan thriller The Figurine and I must say that I am glad that I did. Those of you who know me well, know that I do not suffer Nollywood productions gladly. It takes a whole lot for me to sit through the first ten minutes of any Nollywood fare, because ten minutes is what I need to evaluate the film. However, I sometimes sit for longer if the film comes with a great recommendation by one whose opinions I respect or if the first ten minutes show some promise. With The Figurine it was a combination of the two. An added push was the marketing and publicity that followed the film’s release in 2009. So I decided to wait until it came out in DVD. I waited o for over two years, no luck; I then discovered that the distribution structure in place restricted the film’s DVD production, a move to forestall the activities of pirates.

However, I was lucky enough to view The Figurine as it hit cable TV on DStv. So it was with great anticipation that I watched The Figurine. 

First and foremost I must commend producer and director Mr. Afolayan who also starred in the joint lead role in The Figurine for a brilliant translation of Kemi Adesoye’s script. I say this because many a good script has been poorly executed by directors and producers. Excellent storytelling lies in carrying the audience along through the use of the right film techniques and tools. Right from the opening scenes, the cinematography of The Figurine impresses the viewer as something not readily seen in Nigerian films. With realistic sets (I now more than ever want a beach house!) and scenes, the accompanying visual effects were simple and very believable. Although the sound quality dropped at times during the film you get the distinct impression that Mr. Afolayan is aiming for a level of professionalism that leaves a lot of his other colleagues in the dust. The pacing is subtle, leading the viewer into an understanding of what is about to evolve in the scene. There is definitely no overacting!! One could be tempted to say that the acting was stilted but I believe this was deliberate. Indeed the cast is disciplined enough to leave out all the over-the-top acting, shouting, fake accents and face contortions that are all too familiar with Nollywood. I was particularly impressed by Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi’s acting as it was the first time I had seen her not overact! The screaming, eye rolling and “British” accent were pegged to a bare minimum.

Femi played brilliantly by Ramsey Nouah (despite the hideous wig) shows how bitterness and a sense of entitlement can insidiously eat away at a man over time. His sudden malevolence at the end of the film was quite a shocker and a huge contrast to the earlier picture of Femi as portrayed. Mr. Nouah I believe would play the role of a psycho quite convincingly. Mr. Afolayan’s bad boy/man Shola effectively reminded me of those school/classmates who were the so called "bad boys". Methinks he probably was one when he was younger. The Figurine also features veteran actor and artist, Muraina Oyelami as the culturally knowledgeable head of department. Omoni Oboli plays Mona, the girlfriend and later wife of Shola quite well, expressing the right amounts of emotion. Tosin Sido is a delight to watch as she plays Lara, Femi’s younger sister with a kind of vulnerability that her role demands. You take notice of her on a screen full of veterans. Speaking of veterans, can Jide Kosoko please stop acting the role of “chairman of the board”?!

But really, with respect to the characters, there is an absence of real development as the audience is left to fill in many gaps as to their true personalities. We are treated to a passing slice of their lives without getting really involved with them and their three-dimensionality. For instance, we know that Shola is a bad boy but just how bad we never really know. Mona herself loves Shola over Femi but again we never really know why and likewise Femi’s love for Mona is never fully delved into. Again, perhaps this was deliberate to make the twist impactful.  

In the end, much praise must be given to writer Kemi Adesoye, whose script and excellent twist at the end makes The Figurine a memorable film. The story is able to effectively blend traditional folklore, cultural systems and beliefs against a modern Nigeria backdrop. It could so easily have become a spiritual affair but Kemi ensures that it is one for the rational thinker with endless debates as to whether the curse was real or imagined. Yes, The Figurine is definitely one for the ages.

So kudos to Mr. Kunle Afolayan and his team for giving us a Nigerian film we can finally be proud of. The Figurine is definitely in my top five Nollywood films of all time.

PS: According to Wikipedia, The Figurine cost N50mm to make and he film received 10 nominations and won 5 awards at the African Movie Academy Awards in 2010, including the awards for Best Picture, Heart of Africa, AMAA Achievement in Cinematography and AMAA Achievement in Visual Effect.