Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Prose: Happy Birthday.

Timi woke up to the sounds of chirping, the bird had started its early evening cry. He opened one eye and looked down at Ronke who lay on his chest breathing softly. He lifted an arm and looked at his watch confirming that they had not been asleep for long. They had been at it for about 45 minutes, right from when they had shut the door to the room to the third explosion. Well third for him. He could never tell when she was satisfied or when one orgasm ended and the other began amidst her screams; she was non-verbal and fluid like that. She moved at his pace, was ready when he was ready and stopped when he stopped. Her appetite was ravenous and he was happy he could match hers.

Sex with Ronke was not dull neither was it boring. What made it work was perhaps the tacit chemistry that they shared. Physically she was a handful and he felt like a man with her.

She stirred a little and then settled down again. They did not have much time especially as they had chosen to do this during the day. Giving their busy schedules and lifestyles nighttime seemed to be the only reasonable time for such things, so daytime sex was rare.

Timi closed his eyes. He would have to get up soon. He opened them again and gazed on Ronke, the woman he loved with all his heart.


He had met Ronke all those years ago during his NYSC …10 years now. Although he found her very attractive, he never really got to know her then; they would talk occasionally but nothing serious. They went their separate ways but crossed paths two years into his job at the advertising agency where he was now the assistant creative director. She worked for a media agency and was part of the team that came for a presentation one sunny morning. Her agency had done a good job and were signed up which made their paths cross even more. She would stop by at his office and they would talk a little. He then plucked up the courage and asked her on a date. She obliged and their relationship blossomed and blossomed. Now they were here in her bed, a bed he had grown accustomed to over the last eight years. Eight years. How do you not get tired of sleeping with someone in that period of time? He wondered sometimes. But Timi knew he would never tire of her, even when she was old and grey, and he hoped it was the same for her.

They had had their downtimes but never over anything serious. She got him and he in turn got her totally. She never annoyed him, nor him her. Of course like every other women she could get impatient with him sometimes but that was it. She never nagged, did not cling, pushed him when necessary but with all the encouragement required. He tried to be the man she wanted him to be, treated her with enormous respect, and cared for her as much as he could. But deep down inside he told himself that she deserved more than he could give her and wondered if he could ever be enough for her. She never complained though which was a good thing as well as a bad thing. Well maybe it was because she was fiercely independent. She played by her own rules and one just had to be very confident to be with her. Was he confident? Sometimes he felt that perhaps she just felt sorry for him and all. One could be tempted to say that it was just the sex. The sex was very very good but it was more than that. They enjoyed each other’s company and gave each other fair consideration. Although he was the passionate, opinionated kind he reined it in a little for her sake. He never wanted to offend. Ronke probably noticed this and tended to be less flippant than he knew she was. Why did he love her so?

It was probably her self-confidence. She exuded it from day one, it showed in every area of her life. Her weaknesses? Hmmm…

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Timi looked down at her as she smiled still with her eyes closed.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Not long. How long have you been awake?”

“Not long either.”

She opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at him. “Mr. Man, you wore me out as usual.”

Timi grinned sheepishly, “You bring it out of me baby”, he retorted.

Ronke smiled and moved out of his embrace, moving up to his face. “I do, don’t I?”

She kissed him on the lips.



11 seconds later she pulled away.

“Shade will soon be back”, she said as she searched for her bra.

Timi looked at his watch. It was 4:30.


He sighed as he collected himself. He picked up his clothes from the chair beside the bed. She had often teased him about how he always managed to make sure his clothes were neatly arranged before getting into bed with her. He got dressed quickly as she headed into the bathroom. It would not do good for a 16 year old to walk in on them naked.

Ronke emerged from the bathroom and toweled her glistening body. He watched her.


“What?” she asked coyly.

“Nothing” he responded.

“Mr. Man,” she laughed with a knowing look in her eye.


They talked shop and in a short while she was dressed up. She walked up to him and he held her close trying to take in as much of her as he could.


“Are you losing weight?” he asked.

“A little.”

“Madam, small small o. Take it easy.”

Ronke laughed.

The doorbell rang. She kissed him.

“Happy birthday again”, she whispered and then led him to the living room.




“Good afternoon sir… Uncle Timi.”

“Hey Shade, how are you?

“Fine, thank you sir.”

“That’s good. I see your mum is taking good care of you.”

“Yeah she tries.” Shade said with a smile.

“Okay so I’ll see you later.”


Ronke walked him out to his car. He got in.

“So call me?” she asked.

“I will”, he promised.

Timi drove down her street and out of her estate, his thoughts with Ronke. Why they were not together, he was not sure. He had thought about this often. Maybe it was his fault or just a case of bad timing for him and for her but all he knew was that in another place and another time he would definitely be with her, the way they should be.

32 minutes later he climbed up to his apartment. He fiddled with his keys and slipped one into the lock. But before he could turn the key the door opened from the other side.



“Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!!”

The chorus was led by his six year old daughter who stood beside her mother as she held forth his birthday cake.

Timi smiled as he hugged his wife and son. He closed the door behind him shutting Ronke out for the time being.



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Wednesday, 11 April 2012

When She Makes Up Your Mind for You.


I have quite a number of single male friends. I can count the number of my close male friends that are married on half a hand; yes, it is that bad. Sometimes I long to be able to chat with guys in the same boat as I am. So in order to help my situation, I occasionally ask my homies such questions like:
“How far? What’s up with you and that babe?”
“That Tolu babe no bad o! When una dey marry?”
“When are you getting married?”
“Guy you’ve been dating Cynthia for like two years now, when are we coming to eat rice and drink Coke?”
And what do I get in response? ....
“Bro, I’m not ready.”
“Pepper never rest o.”
“Marry who? Cynthia? Nah bruv.”
Even the ones that seem eligible and are in seemingly good relationships repeatedly say things like “I haven’t made up my mind yet”. That line has become the mantra for the single yet eligible guys in Lagos. But in closing that bit of the conversation I always tell them “Guy make up your mind, before she makes it up for you.”
Now some of you (and them) may not get what I mean by “when she makes up your mind for you”, allow me to explain. Now this is no threat but a fact: some guys are under the illusion that they call the shots in eventually deciding to marry a woman. But in some situations, that is not the case. You have been dating this girl for upwards of nine months, you are over 28, and have a good job, a nice apartment with the flat screen TV and PS3. She comes over as often as possible, cooks, cleans and performs other girlfriend and “quarter-to-wife activities. Everyone knows she is your girlfriend – your folks, your siblings, your cousins, friends and boss – but somehow somehow you have no plans to marry her; and when questions are asked as to the wedding date you mumble something in the region of “I’m not quite ready.” The sad thing is very often, many dating couples play this scenario and in the end they break up even after five years of dating. These are the ones my guys see and think that they can still call the shots. What they do not see or deliberately choose not to see are the situations where the women make up the men’s minds for them.
My dear cousin is a bit notorious for being a ladies’ man. He is doing quite well for himself and at 30 thinks that he’s got to live it up and groove until he is ready to settle down. This does not mean that he refrains from serious type relationships. He actually gets involved in serious relationships and all. The first one lasted for about three years and when he broke up with her, we (being the entire family) thought that the next one would be the one. Nay, not so. Cousin of mine began running through women like they were going out of fashion, I tried to get him to focus and all that but he was having none of it. In all other ways he was the epitome of hard work and diligence but when it came to having a good time he lived by his own rules. He then finally got into another serious relationship with another girl and after I met her a couple of times (including Christmas Day dinner at my folks’) I had to ask what his plans were. I got the same non-committed answer. The next thing I heard was that the family had intervened and hooked him up with a young lass from the “area”. I thought to myself that this might just work considering that the family was involved. I followed up with the relevant questions as to the degree of his seriousness. Again I got the same non-committed answer! At this point I had to give him the speech. He nodded and listened and said that he had heard but that he just was not ready. A few weeks later my sister buzzed me saying that girlfriend had gotten pregnant. OK. But how did my sister know? Wrong question! How did everyone know? Girlfriend was not having any of that “let’s solve this problem” option. For her it was not an option because she was under the impression that boyfriend was serious about her and as a result she had duly informed her parents about the situation. Being that family was involved, my cousin could not front. Cross level consultations were held and after a few arrangements, their introduction took place last weekend. I attended the introduction but I could not help but laugh. Serves him right, you might say, because despite all his “I’m not yet ready”, girlfriend had made up his mind for him. But the truth is (if they would ever have the guts to say so) many marriages have been brokered because despite the man’s uncertainty, the woman took in and helped to make up boyfriend’s mind.
Now, I do not mean to present women as being manipulative, in fact, my intention is rather the opposite. A girlfriend getting pregnant for her eligible boyfriend is perhaps just the little nudge or kick in the butt that homeboy really needs. Men are known to be rather indecisive when it comes to things that require a great deal of commitment, especially marriage. Insecurity, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of losing one’s freedom are common reasons why men hesitate on a formal, legitimate partnership. They say women prepare for marriage right from the age of 18. Men on the other hand, have no age attached to it. All men require is a great deal of maturity and the desire to move to the next step. Only boys would want the milk for free. Mature men would buy the cow and invest in it ensuring that they get excellent milk on a daily basis. Thankfully, many boys mature in marriage becoming men they were afraid of becoming. Unfortunately, a few do not and well, they tend to consciously or sub-consciously blame (or is it dislike) the girl for “forcing” them into that situation. But like I always say, nothing is by force; except someone puts a gun to a guy’s head to get married. I pray my cousin becomes the former by maturing into his marriage. I have not yet met the bride to be but by all indications including a summary from my sister and a look into her Facebook profile, I think she will make a good wife and mother.
So to my homies out there I think it makes you a bit more of a man if you make up your own minds and behave in tandem with your decisions, as against having her make up your mind for you, which believe me she can.


Photo credit: www.essence.com