GIVING BIRTH TO JUST GIRLS...If Obama Was Truly African by ENA OFUGARA

GIVING BIRTH TO JUST GIRLS...If Obama Was Truly African by ENA OFUGARA

Seeing Obama walk up the stage with his two lovely daughters had me imagining things and laughing yet saddened... saddened that till date, women who, through no fault of theirs, gave birth to just female children suffer still.

I just imagined that Obama's mother was African. Suspend belief for a while and go with me down this lane. If you are Nigerian, the following conversation between Michelle Obama and fictional Mama Obama and Barrack Obama will be easy to relate to.

This is probably happening to a woman (and man) you know.

ENJOY...or think.

LOCATION: WHITE HOUSE. INT: NIGHT

Mama Obama wakes Michelle up and calls her into the sitting area

Mama Obama: Ehen Michelle, how body

Michelle: I am fine ma.

Mama Obama: Na your turn. Now you ask me how my own body

Michelle: What is wrong ma? Are you sick? Do you want money? What is it?

Mama Obama: You dey ask me abi? As you see Barrack Marry so, u no like am?

Michelle: I do not understand ma.

Mama Obama: If to say I no born boy, who u for marry? If to say na only girl pikin I born. Tell me

Michelle: Ma...

Mama Obama: No "ma" me there. Ma ma ma, your first pikin done reach to born and still I never see boy pikin wey go inherit this white house. As George Bush son inherit him papa post come become president, e no good?

Michelle: But Ma, we do not have a choice as to the sex of the child God gives to us. If we even believe science, it is Barrack as the man that determines the sex of the baby, if it will be a boy or a girl. It is he that has the Y and X chromosome.

Mama Obama: eh eh eh. Hold am there. You mean say my pikin "ameoma" (semen) no strong reach to born boy?Naim U dey talk????????

Michelle: It is not by strength of semen. It is God's choice

Mama Obama: So na me sin so tay God dey punish me say I no go carry pikin go circumsize abi? U dey call me sinner. (Shouts as she ties her head tie around her waist and calls Barrack Obama. Barrack comes out, tired from perhaps plans to bomb Iran)

Barrakiii, Barrakii, come hear wetin your wife dey talk. She say me I be sinner. She say your sperm no strong reach to born boy. She want make your papa name die. yeh yeh yeh yeh

Barrack Obama: Mama what is it again? I told you to please let this matter die. "Omotejokwo". A girl is a person as well.

Mama Obama: Ebabo!!! Me ta ro. I said it. I talk am say Michelle done use juju for you. I talk am. (Turns around and begins to pray in Mountain of fire style) Blood of Jesus. Blood of Jesus!!! Holy Ghost Fire!!! Burn them, burn them.Anybody that has used juju on my son,die! die!! die!!!

Barrack Obama: Mama, nobody used Juju on me. Bill Clinton has only one girl called Chelsea. I have two. What do u expect Bill's mother to do?

Mama Obama: (To Obama in a softer voice). Omo me. My pikin. You no dey hear wetin people dey talk? Them say you and Clinton na Illuminati. say na una boy pikin una take do the jazz wey make una president.

Barrack Obama: And u believe that nonsense?

Mama Obama: You know world people with their dirty mouth wey dem no dey brush. But no be say u do am oh. Just try born boy wey go inherit this big fine White House.

Barrack Obama: mama, this is not my house. In a few years I have to pack out. It is for the president of the United States.

Mama Obama: You see! If your boy pikin become president e bad? You know see Bush Pikin?

Barack Obama: What stops any of my girls from being presient if they work towards it? Hilary Clinton is someone's daughter and she will likely be the next president. My daughters are brilliant girls

Mama Obama: No dey put word for my mouth. I tell you say dem no brilliant? I say make u use one boy support them two make mind rest.

Barrack Obama: Mama, I have always supported women to be equal to men in the working place. It is this kind of behaviour that is making Chinese people to be commiting foeticide,

Mama Barrack: Fwety wetin

Barrack Obama: Foeticide. This is the killing of a foetus. In China you are allowed only one child and since a lot of parents prefer boys, they do scan to determine the sex of the unborn child and if it is a girl, they terminate the pregnancy. The girl-child is as important as the boy child. It is our battle in Pakistan and all over the world and what we are trying to achieve that girls be treated no different. It is why the whole world condemned the shooting of Malala Yousufza by Muslim extreemists. All this girl wanted was for girls to have education just like boys. thank God her life was spared. Mama, a girl can be whatever if you give them same opportunities.

Mama Barrack: (Hand on head) EGBELUGHE!!! You say boy pikin and girl pikin na the same? You no hear say for Benin na only boy dey inherit Igiogbe which is the house a man stayed? You want make other people inherit all this your property abi???

Barrack Obama: I am a lawyer just like my wife. I know the Benin tradition. If a man does not want his son to inherit his house, he can sell the house while alive to any of his children and pack out and rent a flat. If the house is not his at time of death, it cannot be inherited by a stupid son.

mama Obama: So na this one i send you go law school go read abi? All the garri I fry take train you, na how u no go take born boy you dey plan abi?

Michelle: Mama, we did not plan not to have boys. I believe in what God has given me. The children are gold to me

Mama Obama: (to Michelle) As I never turn face you, you no go quiet abi? If you use the book wey them say you know well well take born boy e bad???

Barrack Obama: mama, I have a country to run, I need to sleep. You are disturbing us seriously

Mama Obama: Me dey disturb you? For how many days I done dey here wey I take dey disturb you??? No be your sister dey take care of me since? You, I never come your house reach one week, you done dey drive me. Meanwhile you wife mama dey come here stay one year.

Barrack Obama: It is because you never let my wife rest.

Mama Obama: I talk am. Your wife na weeeeeeensh. She done turn you against me. Me wey before you come outside wey I dey born you, this your "ogo" for you back head nearly tear me into two. You wey I leave all your sister dey carry, me wey make sure say na ur money many pass wey you dey go school. Na me no fit stay your house abi? meanwhile your sisters dey take good care of me...sisters wey i leave concentrate on u.

barrack Obama: We all know girls take better care of their aging parents. It is why I wonder at the silliness of insisting on and preferring a male child. If it is the name, i can make sure the girls add "Obama" to their names as women are doing on facebook all over the world. nevertheless mama, I will try my best to take care of you...

Mama Barrack: If you want try your best, carry Michelle enter room now make una gimme boy pikin. If the third time no work, Mama Kipketer get one fine girl. her name na "ogwoguvwevwi" (meaning wrecker of homes). we call her "Oghwo"for shot. You can call her "oghwo darling". I go bring am come make she do housegirl for Michelle. If night reach, na u know how u go dey creep go her room. I hear say Terminator abi na Commando abi na Arnold Swarchzenneger do like that with one woman. That na calabar style.

Michelle: Mama, I can wash all the plates. I do not need a housegirl

Mama Barrack. Okay, Michelle no worry. I no go bring am come your house. iBarraki, when you dey come Kenya? I go keep the girl wait you. No worry, I go take care of am. na just make u dey carry this your private jet abi na AirForce One come Kenya on code come "brokware". that is all.

Barrack Obama: Mamaaaaaaaaaa

Mama Obama: Eh. I done pack my load. I dey go house tomorrow. If I chop your wife food, she fit go poison me
. I done buy bread keep for my "osumabe". (To Michelle) Michelle abi na Michellin tire,, if u no go born boy, ready to pack comot. Next time i come, na with all him sisters and you will pack your load and go in Jesus name. AMEN!!!

Barrack Obama: You keep screaming GOD GOD and never missing Church and yet you are not showing love and understanding to my wife. You are not doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. I know a lot of the money I send to you, you give it as "seed" for me to have a male child or for my wife to pack out. Mama, i am satisfied with all God has done for me. It was his will that a black man like me become president in a country where many people still see you as no better than a monkey. If it is his will that I have only girls, I embrace it gladly. "OMOTEJOKWO", a girl is a human being.

The above was published with the permission of the author Ena Ofugara.

Please leave your comments below for the author.

“M” is for “Mother” – My Review of Skyfall

Finally! I got to see the 23^rd James Bond movie, Skyfall and I was not disappointed. Directed by Academy Award winner, Sam Mendes (American Beauty) and written by the usual suspects Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, together with John Logan, Skyfall marks a half century of Bond movies, and quite naturally my expectations were high, especially following the debacle that was Quantum of Solace.

Once again, just like Licence to Kill and Die Another Day, it was personal. Bond was not out to just save the world but was also on a mission of a personal nature, made personal by the real threat to his surrogate mother, M and her MI6 family.  And just like in The World Is Not Enough he has to rescue and protect M from a villain who blames her for his suffering at the hands of Britain’s enemies. We get to see Daniel Craig grow into the role of Bond; he is less cocky and made more aware of his mortality. Bond seems tired yet determined as he comes back from retirement to serve his queen (read as mother) and country.

A flawed agent, Bond has to do battle with another flawed agent and former but elder brother-at-arms (Alec Trevelyan in Goldeneye, anyone?) who was also nursed at M’s breast, a former MI6 agent, Raoul Silva. Silva played excellently well by Javier Bardem at long last gives us a villain worthy of facing Bond. The previous three (not counting Le Chiffre) were poor poor villains. Raoul Silva – bleached blonde hair and all – very quickly reminds you of The Joker, Max Zorin and Jaws in one particular scene, but where they appear almost comical and crazy like, Silva is not. He is a very intelligent man and like a son betrayed unto death by his mother, he sets out to exact his vengeance. His Spanish-flavoured English lends a certain appeal but also has a dangerous edge to it. Indeed, Raoul Silva is a man to be fearful of.

But why doesn’t Bond ever crack or betray M? In Die Another Day he was left at the hands of the North Koreans and was tortured for over a year; in Casino Royale, Le Chiffre almost emasculated him. Where most agents would have held a grudge against the Empire, Bond never ever does even when his wife was killed by Blofeld. So what makes James Bond so faithful and loyal? I daresay he is a mama’s boy. Bond is M’s favourite who sees his mother as imperfect but in the end she knows best.

Truth be told, Skyfall is rather formulaic and borrows plot lines from previous Bond movies. Revenge. Betrayal. And the villain practically giving himself up to gain access to the new MI6 headquarters (hmm.... reminds me of a certain superhero movie). Initially hampered by budget constraints ($200mm), Skyfall still ekes a beautiful production. It boasts great cinematography and visual effects. The cityscapes of Shanghai, the rooftops of Istanbul and London are eye catching and lovely to behold. The action scenes are done just right with just the right amount of intensity for they never go over the top.  

The acting is quite good by everyone and a special mention goes to Javier Bardem. However, the chemistry between Bond and Eve (Naomie Harris) is not quite there but perhaps this was deliberate as this relationship is one that is never meant to be “quite there”. I also noticed that this time the focus was a lot less on Daniel Craig as Bond but it was rather on Bond as Bond. After the first 30 minutes I stopped trying to second guess myself as to whether Daniel Craig was still a good Bond.

Skyfall very successfully reintroduces Bond to us by providing more details into his past, what is must have been like for him growing up at Skyfall, the almost Bruce Waynesque loss of his parents, and his coming of age in the tunnels of his boyhood home. Both the audience and Bond himself are reintroduced to a new quartermaster, Q (Ben Whishaw) who promises to be one for the new millennium, nerdy, techie but cool.  

Another reintroduction is that of the iconic Aston Martin DB5 used in Goldfinger; and Moneypenny, M’s secretary and James’ almost-girlfriend and lover in a brilliant twist at the end of the film. Quite naturally, I expected Ralph Fiennes to have a bigger role and the man once touted to be the “next Bond” does. *wink*

So as the curtain falls on Dame Judi Dench’s M, we applaud and say goodbye to a strong woman, an efficient leader who faced danger with every step, and took the hardest and toughest decisions; the only woman to perhaps match Bond himself, and chronology notwithstanding, the first Bond girl, his mother “M”.

PS: Skyfall has grossed $321mm worldwide since its October 29, 2012 premiere.

Vote for your favourite Bond actor below.

I also added a brief history of James Bond via the guys at CableTV.com, click on the graphic to hyperlink/maximise:

Via: CableTV.com