Film Review: The Dark Knight Rises: Did it really?

On Wednesday, July 25, 2012 I got an invite to the Genesis Deluxe Cinemas’ premiere of probably the year’s most anticipated movie, The Dark Knight Rises, the concluding installment of director and writer Chris Nolan’s three part Batman series. The hype and anticipation was unprecedented, probably only matched by movies like Terminator 2: Judgement Day and (perhaps the only other comic universe franchise to match DC) Marvel’s The Avengers. The latter had broken records to become the third highest grossing movie of all time in just about eight weeks, earning $260m in its opening weekend in April 2012. I was among the very few people who believed that The Dark Knight Rises would beat The Avenger’s record.

And why did I believe that it would? Simply because Chris Nolan is a FANTASTIC director and writer. Indeed, The Dark Knight smashed records when it was released in 2008. It earned more than a billion dollars worldwide upon its release in 2008. Many would attribute this to Heath Ledger’s epic portrayal of The Joker based on Nolan’s interpretation of Batman’s most villainous villain. Others (myself included) would attribute it to the psychological study that was The Dark Knight. Nolan took Batman from comic book icon to a study in humanity, the battle between good and evil, and the grey areas in between. 2011’s Inception was a case study in film making. Nolan brought bits of what made his sophomore film Momento (2000) to bear in the critically acclaimed Inception. So little wonder The Dark Knight Rises was billed to rise and rise and rise. But somewhere along its intended ascent the two hours plus movie lost its wind.

First and foremost The Dark Knight Rises seemed like a lazy effort. The editing was abysmal. The scripting and plot scenes were like a series of quickies that did not get to the climax. The holes in the plot and storyline were so gaping and the material just did not hold water. I was left to assume so many things: How come Blake could so very easily figure out that Batman was actually Bruce Wayne? How did Bane figure out Batman was Bruce Wayne? How come after eight loooooong years, the city was still mourning White Knight Harvey Dent? I thought Lucius Fox left at the end of The Dark Knight? If he did not, why did he change his mind? How did the 3,000 plus Gotham City policemen survive three months underground? How come Alfred left? No, seriously why did he abandon Bruce? Where was the prison dungeon located? How come Bane could come and go as he pleased? Thought it was supposed to be somewhere not mainland USA? Bane broke Batman’s back (I actually cheered at that scene because it stayed true to the comics!) But come on! One does not recover from a broken back in a prison dungeon overnight!!!! The time-wasting speech and by-force kiss at the climactic scene when time was running out was cringe worthy! A nuke is about to go off in two minutes and you still have time for catharsis and a smooch? Like seriously?!! At the very best the script was overly simplistic.

The acting was not any better really. Joseph Gordon-Levitt had a good performance as the incorruptible cop John Blake. So did Gary Oldman and Marion Cotillard. Michael Cain was poor to say the least while Morgan Freeman and Christian Bale both seemed bored. And Bane’s voice! I had to strain my ears and mostly got someone else to tell me what he said!! It is bad enough we have to strain to catch what Batman (Bale) says due to his hoarse lisp but Bane’s Darth Vader-like voice was just inaudible!! The final fight scene was bleh! I know Chris Bale is not the biggest person or known for his fighting skills, but it was stiff (maybe it was the suit)! Bats is a bad ass martial artist schooled in the shadow arts! Most of us were also hoping that Tom Hardy who played Bane would bring some of his “bad assness” from The Warrior to bear on The Dark Knight Rises but alas that was not seen. The fighting should have been better choreographed.

On the positives, I loved the Talia al Ghul twist! It made sense. But the lovey dovey between Bruce and Miranda Tate her alter ego was not convincing enough. The twist at the end – Blake donning the role of Batman, Bruce Wayne (still recognisable!) turning up alive in Paris with Selina – reminiscent of Inception was almost cheesy but very welcome. It gave the film its final and much needed airlift. I mean no one, no matter the speculations, wanted to see Batman killed. We are glad Nolan kept him alive. If he had not, I daresay The Dark Knight Rises would have been deemed a bad movie.

I would be the first to admit that I was looking forward to identifying themes in The Dark Knight Rises. I found a few.

Nolan by bringing thematic elements of Batman Begins together with those from The Dark Knight stresses that Bruce Wayne cannot exist without Batman simply because he is first Batman before he is Bruce Wayne!! This was an epiphany for me because it was comforting to realise what I had long suspected: that like Superman whose alter ego is Clark Kent, Batman’s alter ego is Bruce Wayne! His life is the cowl! Bruce Wayne’s deterioration in spirit and body after the Batman disappears is evidence of this. In furtherance of the Dark Knight mythos, Nolan again confirms that Batman’s first and only love is the city of Gotham. Batman exists because Gotham exists; when threatened Batman defends her. Simple.

Nolan to my mind explores the symbolism of a “people’s” revolution against their government and the elite in Bane’s uprising (think #occupy). However, I failed to get that sense of anarchy or break up when the status quo of the previous eight years was destroyed. Where were all the mad men? Where was Arkham? The only thing reminiscent of it was The Scarecrow acting as judge and executioner of the new government. Was it a reverse Tunisian revolution gone wrong?

In the end, The Dark Knight Rises successfully brings to an end the Batman trilogy. However, deep inside I got the general feeling that Nolan and his team just wanted to get this trilogy over and done with really.

NB: As of July 29, 2012  (i.e. in 10 days) The Dark Knight Rises has made $537m worldwide at the Box Office.

For the Love of Bobbi!

“If you are still sucking breast, whether your wife’s or girlfriend’s, Happy Children’s Day! Lol!”

That was the joke I got via BB from a friend on Children’s Day. After I had a good laugh and responded adequately to her message where I placed the “blame” entirely on the shoulders of women, I began to think about breasts and why men of different ages are undeniably drawn to and fascinated by “bobbi” as my Warri connect would refer to them. Well not having enough time to carry out a proper survey, I restricted the scope of my rationalisations to my experiences and the few things I have heard other men say about boobs. From this we can hopefully draw a generalisation of the reasons behind men’s love affair with breasts.

First, I think that men are inexplicable drawn to boobs because we do not have boobs. One lady once remarked: What’s the big deal about breasts sef that you men can’t keep your eyes to yourselves?!” Simple: What one does not have, one covets. Yes, I am sure you can identify with wanting something that you do not have, like the new Blackberry phone or the new Jimmy Choos or Prada bag or that job, or that car etc. Yes, men see boobs as something to have, like “Damn! I want those pair of boobs!” Please do not be offended as it is not my intention to objectify women but it is the truth. Deep down inside I think most men are jealous that you women can carry something so delectable, so round, so protruding with panache and style. Really breasts add to a woman’s figure and enhance her curves and overall appeal. I read something off Twitter from @uberfacts, which went something like this: “Human females are the only female mammals whose breasts do not decrease in size after weaning their young.” So maybe human breasts are meant to be an added feature that promotes physical and sexual attraction during non-breastfeeding periods? Talking about breast feeding we have all heard of women who refuse to breastfeed (for long periods) because they do not want their boobies to lose shape. Why? To preserve the beauty of their boobs and to please man of course! Please ladies, breast feed your babies as doctors will tell you that there are numerous health benefits for the baby. By the way, spare some for oga too!

So my first encounter with breasts was around the age of twelve. No, mine was not as a baby because according to my mum, I did not take to breast milk so I was not breast fed but drank from a bottle (yes, you Psych majors can go Freudian on me now). So my first real notice of boobs happened one evening when I rang my neighbours’ doorbell and their 20-something year old aunt opened the door wearing a wrapper. Fortunately or unfortunately, as she said my playmates were not home her wrapper came loose and slipped from her chest. Gbam! I saw a pair of creamy mammary glands. Hmm....now those look interesting I said to myself.

From then on as any normal teenage boy would tell you, my life apart from school revolved around any opportunity to take a closer look at a woman’s chest. It became a thing where a guy would claim to have seen a classmate’s bra. We willed ourselves to see beyond the fabric; we would stretch our arms and jut out our elbows just to cop a feel.  It did not matter whom as long as they were females who were non-relatives, but since we spent the most time in school and at home it fell to schoolmates and neighbours. But I reckon in those early teenage years it was hardly a sexual thing, it was just a matter of curiosity.

My first physical encounter with boobs was at fifteen during a make out session, and boy were they big! Double Ds I believe. And no, they did not belong to the help. They belonged to the first girl I kissed, and she was my age. The feeling was great and I remember thinking “So this is what these feel like!” My curious mind had been sated, I knew what boobs felt and tasted like, finally. Or not. I encountered the same pair for a while until I had the opportunity to meet with another pair which were quite different. Now my curiosity was piqued even more. It became a “Hmm, I wonder what Sade’s breasts would feel like? Jennifer’s?” Then it became one encounter after the other as I got into the university. The thing is as one woman was different from the other, so were one pair of boobs different from the other. Now ladies please do not get me wrong, the boobs thing was just complementary to the whole dating experience, I promise.

Breasts have no “real” sexual function at least from the man’s point of view. I say this because we have been told that women have the capacity to orgasm via stimulation of the breasts. For men who suckle breasts during the sexual act, Sigmund Freud argued that it is an advanced replication of that first “love relationship” a man has with his mother as a baby. So men MUST suckle. And maybe that is another reason for our fascination with boobs, we need nurturing, and since our mums cannot do this anymore, we turn to you women to provide that safe embrace where we know that nothing can go wrong and all is well.

Ladies, men love your boobs, big and/or small. We cannot help it if we stare. But some of you are to blame for the stares. Ah ahn! I have seen low cut blouses that would make a priest stutter, and from married women at that. I have a friend who was quite endowed but deliberately wore those tight push up bras, ol’ boy, guys noticed and formed a long line! The cleavage! Oh! The cleavage! It calls to us, whispering our names, begging us to look.

There are some women who understand the power those creamy mounds possess. There is a friend of a friend who is a motivational speaker/etiquette and communication coach, who confessed that jiggling her top heavy chest opens doors for her and helps “get her point across” whenever she gave presentations and talks.

On the health side of things I am aware that big mammaries can cause severe back pain as a woman ages. So breast reduction is being practised. On the other hand, some women have had theirs increased. What for? In my personal opinion, except you are flat as a washboard, you really should not be getting breast enlargement done. You know why? Because men will still suckle! Yes, some men like theirs big, let them go get the big ones; there are others like a friend who says “more than a handful is a waste” who like them small.

The point of this article? None really. Men simply love boobs, and the truth is no reason is needed! Do not be offended when we ogle, instead be proud. Stick them out, proudly especially if you have been blessed with a “Manchester”. But if you like, cover them up, wear Wonder Bra or wear “Kostay”, it is up to you but men will still stare and forever love and be fascinated with your boobs.... Chei! See bobbi!