Prose: Happy Birthday.

Timi woke up to the sounds of chirping, the bird had started its early evening cry. He opened one eye and looked down at Ronke who lay on his chest breathing softly. He lifted an arm and looked at his watch confirming that they had not been asleep for long. They had been at it for about 45 minutes, right from when they had shut the door to the room to the third explosion. Well third for him. He could never tell when she was satisfied or when one orgasm ended and the other began amidst her screams; she was non-verbal and fluid like that. She moved at his pace, was ready when he was ready and stopped when he stopped. Her appetite was ravenous and he was happy he could match hers.

Sex with Ronke was not dull neither was it boring. What made it work was perhaps the tacit chemistry that they shared. Physically she was a handful and he felt like a man with her.

She stirred a little and then settled down again. They did not have much time especially as they had chosen to do this during the day. Giving their busy schedules and lifestyles nighttime seemed to be the only reasonable time for such things, so daytime sex was rare.

Timi closed his eyes. He would have to get up soon. He opened them again and gazed on Ronke, the woman he loved with all his heart.

He had met Ronke all those years ago during his NYSC …10 years now. Although he found her very attractive, he never really got to know her then; they would talk occasionally but nothing serious. They went their separate ways but crossed paths two years into his job at the advertising agency where he was now the assistant creative director. She worked for a media agency and was part of the team that came for a presentation one sunny morning. Her agency had done a good job and were signed up which made their paths cross even more. She would stop by at his office and they would talk a little. He then plucked up the courage and asked her on a date. She obliged and their relationship blossomed and blossomed. Now they were here in her bed, a bed he had grown accustomed to over the last eight years. Eight years. How do you not get tired of sleeping with someone in that period of time? He wondered sometimes. But Timi knew he would never tire of her, even when she was old and grey, and he hoped it was the same for her.

They had had their downtimes but never over anything serious. She got him and he in turn got her totally. She never annoyed him, nor him her. Of course like every other women she could get impatient with him sometimes but that was it. She never nagged, did not cling, pushed him when necessary but with all the encouragement required. He tried to be the man she wanted him to be, treated her with enormous respect, and cared for her as much as he could. But deep down inside he told himself that she deserved more than he could give her and wondered if he could ever be enough for her. She never complained though which was a good thing as well as a bad thing. Well maybe it was because she was fiercely independent. She played by her own rules and one just had to be very confident to be with her. Was he confident? Sometimes he felt that perhaps she just felt sorry for him and all. One could be tempted to say that it was just the sex. The sex was very very good but it was more than that. They enjoyed each other’s company and gave each other fair consideration. Although he was the passionate, opinionated kind he reined it in a little for her sake. He never wanted to offend. Ronke probably noticed this and tended to be less flippant than he knew she was. Why did he love her so?

It was probably her self-confidence. She exuded it from day one, it showed in every area of her life. Her weaknesses? Hmmm…

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Timi looked down at her as she smiled still with her eyes closed.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Not long. How long have you been awake?”

“Not long either.”

She opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at him. “Mr. Man, you wore me out as usual.”

Timi grinned sheepishly, “You bring it out of me baby”, he retorted.

Ronke smiled and moved out of his embrace, moving up to his face. “I do, don’t I?”

She kissed him on the lips.

11 seconds later she pulled away.

“Shade will soon be back”, she said as she searched for her bra.

Timi looked at his watch. It was 4:30.

He sighed as he collected himself. He picked up his clothes from the chair beside the bed. She had often teased him about how he always managed to make sure his clothes were neatly arranged before getting into bed with her. He got dressed quickly as she headed into the bathroom. It would not do good for a 16 year old to walk in on them naked.

Ronke emerged from the bathroom and toweled her glistening body. He watched her.

“What?” she asked coyly.

“Nothing” he responded.

“Mr. Man,” she laughed with a knowing look in her eye.

They talked shop and in a short while she was dressed up. She walked up to him and he held her close trying to take in as much of her as he could.

“Are you losing weight?” he asked.

“A little.”

“Madam, small small o. Take it easy.”

Ronke laughed.

The doorbell rang. She kissed him.

“Happy birthday again”, she whispered and then led him to the living room.

“Good afternoon sir… Uncle Timi.”

“Hey Shade, how are you?

“Fine, thank you sir.”

“That’s good. I see your mum is taking good care of you.”

“Yeah she tries.” Shade said with a smile.

“Okay so I’ll see you later.”

Ronke walked him out to his car. He got in.

“So call me?” she asked.

“I will”, he promised.

Timi drove down her street and out of her estate, his thoughts with Ronke. Why they were not together, he was not sure. He had thought about this often. Maybe it was his fault or just a case of bad timing for him and for her but all he knew was that in another place and another time he would definitely be with her, the way they should be.

32 minutes later he climbed up to his apartment. He fiddled with his keys and slipped one into the lock. But before he could turn the key the door opened from the other side.

“Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!!”

The chorus was led by his six year old daughter who stood beside her mother as she held forth his birthday cake.

Timi smiled as he hugged his wife and son. He closed the door behind him shutting Ronke out for the time being.

 ########################################

For the Love of Bobbi!

“If you are still sucking breast, whether your wife’s or girlfriend’s, Happy Children’s Day! Lol!”

That was the joke I got via BB from a friend on Children’s Day. After I had a good laugh and responded adequately to her message where I placed the “blame” entirely on the shoulders of women, I began to think about breasts and why men of different ages are undeniably drawn to and fascinated by “bobbi” as my Warri connect would refer to them. Well not having enough time to carry out a proper survey, I restricted the scope of my rationalisations to my experiences and the few things I have heard other men say about boobs. From this we can hopefully draw a generalisation of the reasons behind men’s love affair with breasts.

First, I think that men are inexplicable drawn to boobs because we do not have boobs. One lady once remarked: What’s the big deal about breasts sef that you men can’t keep your eyes to yourselves?!” Simple: What one does not have, one covets. Yes, I am sure you can identify with wanting something that you do not have, like the new Blackberry phone or the new Jimmy Choos or Prada bag or that job, or that car etc. Yes, men see boobs as something to have, like “Damn! I want those pair of boobs!” Please do not be offended as it is not my intention to objectify women but it is the truth. Deep down inside I think most men are jealous that you women can carry something so delectable, so round, so protruding with panache and style. Really breasts add to a woman’s figure and enhance her curves and overall appeal. I read something off Twitter from @uberfacts, which went something like this: “Human females are the only female mammals whose breasts do not decrease in size after weaning their young.” So maybe human breasts are meant to be an added feature that promotes physical and sexual attraction during non-breastfeeding periods? Talking about breast feeding we have all heard of women who refuse to breastfeed (for long periods) because they do not want their boobies to lose shape. Why? To preserve the beauty of their boobs and to please man of course! Please ladies, breast feed your babies as doctors will tell you that there are numerous health benefits for the baby. By the way, spare some for oga too!

So my first encounter with breasts was around the age of twelve. No, mine was not as a baby because according to my mum, I did not take to breast milk so I was not breast fed but drank from a bottle (yes, you Psych majors can go Freudian on me now). So my first real notice of boobs happened one evening when I rang my neighbours’ doorbell and their 20-something year old aunt opened the door wearing a wrapper. Fortunately or unfortunately, as she said my playmates were not home her wrapper came loose and slipped from her chest. Gbam! I saw a pair of creamy mammary glands. Hmm....now those look interesting I said to myself.

From then on as any normal teenage boy would tell you, my life apart from school revolved around any opportunity to take a closer look at a woman’s chest. It became a thing where a guy would claim to have seen a classmate’s bra. We willed ourselves to see beyond the fabric; we would stretch our arms and jut out our elbows just to cop a feel.  It did not matter whom as long as they were females who were non-relatives, but since we spent the most time in school and at home it fell to schoolmates and neighbours. But I reckon in those early teenage years it was hardly a sexual thing, it was just a matter of curiosity.

My first physical encounter with boobs was at fifteen during a make out session, and boy were they big! Double Ds I believe. And no, they did not belong to the help. They belonged to the first girl I kissed, and she was my age. The feeling was great and I remember thinking “So this is what these feel like!” My curious mind had been sated, I knew what boobs felt and tasted like, finally. Or not. I encountered the same pair for a while until I had the opportunity to meet with another pair which were quite different. Now my curiosity was piqued even more. It became a “Hmm, I wonder what Sade’s breasts would feel like? Jennifer’s?” Then it became one encounter after the other as I got into the university. The thing is as one woman was different from the other, so were one pair of boobs different from the other. Now ladies please do not get me wrong, the boobs thing was just complementary to the whole dating experience, I promise.

Breasts have no “real” sexual function at least from the man’s point of view. I say this because we have been told that women have the capacity to orgasm via stimulation of the breasts. For men who suckle breasts during the sexual act, Sigmund Freud argued that it is an advanced replication of that first “love relationship” a man has with his mother as a baby. So men MUST suckle. And maybe that is another reason for our fascination with boobs, we need nurturing, and since our mums cannot do this anymore, we turn to you women to provide that safe embrace where we know that nothing can go wrong and all is well.

Ladies, men love your boobs, big and/or small. We cannot help it if we stare. But some of you are to blame for the stares. Ah ahn! I have seen low cut blouses that would make a priest stutter, and from married women at that. I have a friend who was quite endowed but deliberately wore those tight push up bras, ol’ boy, guys noticed and formed a long line! The cleavage! Oh! The cleavage! It calls to us, whispering our names, begging us to look.

There are some women who understand the power those creamy mounds possess. There is a friend of a friend who is a motivational speaker/etiquette and communication coach, who confessed that jiggling her top heavy chest opens doors for her and helps “get her point across” whenever she gave presentations and talks.

On the health side of things I am aware that big mammaries can cause severe back pain as a woman ages. So breast reduction is being practised. On the other hand, some women have had theirs increased. What for? In my personal opinion, except you are flat as a washboard, you really should not be getting breast enlargement done. You know why? Because men will still suckle! Yes, some men like theirs big, let them go get the big ones; there are others like a friend who says “more than a handful is a waste” who like them small.

The point of this article? None really. Men simply love boobs, and the truth is no reason is needed! Do not be offended when we ogle, instead be proud. Stick them out, proudly especially if you have been blessed with a “Manchester”. But if you like, cover them up, wear Wonder Bra or wear “Kostay”, it is up to you but men will still stare and forever love and be fascinated with your boobs.... Chei! See bobbi!